Liquid streams,
quick! Fill the gills.
Around the rocks
where ferns sway still.
Violet light
reflects false stones,
poured from blue bags,
not a month postponed.
Fierce castle,
drawbridge risings.
Closing with pressure,
gas leak in horizons.
Heavenly manna
sprayed across air barrier.
Six friends to the surface,
the more, the merrier.
Author notes
Prompt: I breathe differently than you
A contest entry
- Options I think are unique by bird at rose.
1000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Incidently ...
I did get the aquarium motif. I was just being facetious. -
Helluva deal ...
and quite an intriguing write.
I know some people I think might not breathe the same air I do, for that matter. Not to suggest that they are aliens in disguise, or anything, but ...
sometimes one does wonder. -
Cute perspective of the diversity from discovering aquatic ones
Very interesting description of all the little circumstances that it took some research to match my understanding. I like the anticipation of needing to quickly filter the air, in S1. You instinctively know what to do even as this creature, and "quick! Fill the gills" emphasizes they can't wait.
Kinda was stuck on why you would talk about sapphire sacks, which I presume is the package of gravel, needing not to be too put off... with "not a month postponed." It got me curious to see if it's essential to clean, buy new rocks or anything. One website said you should wash the algae off the decoration, and another that if you feel a certain kind of rock is rapidly producing the green stuff, replace them, co-inciding with that you keep watch on your time.
The last two stanzas of the poem fit together nicely because if you have a tank which has a flip-top canopy, then it correlates with an opening suspension. And, the bubbling effect from air put in through the bottom might appear as a fuel discharge when it's feeding time. Your ending verses are energetic, therefore my favorite; it didn't take forever to understand yet clever. Now that the lid is upward, from above, fish food would be sprinkled down to them like the special kind of meal rained in bible times. And, I love "Six friends to the surface" rather than specifying the inches etc, because these pets are the purpose for declaring facts as we can't pull them out to eat, but they still have their way of living like us. They obviously would want to pop to the loftiest of the liquid tank, though.
Thank you for entering and waiting for my response, I had fun with your entry,
Daisy -
Well, it certainly ...
is different.
I've read it through about six times now and still don't have a clue as to what it means, but I like the way you've handled it anyway. The last two lines really throw me, but since I'm not feeling well just now, I suppose that could have something to do with it.
Anyway, good luck in the contest.
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thanks...I guess I just tried to picture life in an aquarium, but not owning a single fish, I guess I fell short
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bravo!
wow, this is a great take on the prompt!
very unique!
I really enjoyed reading this! I love the 2nd stanza best!
good luck in the contest
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i like the prompt... its a line i'd get stuck in my head for days. i also like the way you took the prompt. i wonder what it would be like to be a fish... could you imagine the suffocation they suffer when pulled out of the water? i wonder if its anything like human suffocation or if its slower or something like that...
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Love it!
Nice little fishy tale...
Best wishes in your contest!
Write on..
*PEACE*
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Hmm, aquafied...Fascinating allusions.
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