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Pick Me!

I  was feeling lonely
at a yard sale,then
everybody left but there
was one more sale-
I saw a girl that was looking
for me.

She passed me by 
chose a little clown
Oh, my heart was broken-
then she turned around
and put her hand
on my shoulder,
I just love her picking me
and I hope she loves soft
Cozy leopards.   




A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • art-angel
    September 30, 2008
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    That i see the light thourght myrataal cause shes an PRESIOUS!!!! GIRL!!!


  • myrataal silver member
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Precious!

    Do you know, Love, that you are picked LONG before your birth? His hand is on your shoulder every single moment of every single day ... And: His Name is JESUS the Christ, of beloved Saviour.

    Ah. I love yard sales. Do you know? I love things discarded. There is something special in those things ... often they need only a little tender loving care, like a new wire, a new coat of paint, or a dry clean.

    Give the Leopard a hug for me.
    And one for YOU!

    Love
    Myra


  • Angelflower
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awww this was so sweet!!! I really liked this..
    That poor leopard!!! always being picked last..
    You told such a cute story here, this was well written!! I really enjoyed it!!
    Best of luck!!

    Angel


  • Rianna Bear
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    this was adorable and i feel absolutely terrible for the poor leopard who kept getting picked last!!! this was a well penned piece and i thank you for sharing and entering the contest!

    ♥rianna


  • AddenLee
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sweet, I love that you were able to personify (make it so human) the stuffed animal. The idea of being left and feeling so abandoned and then at the needed moment for someone to come along and lift you up is wonderfully put into the piece.

    Suggestion: line break after "lonely" and "sale" so line 2 reads "At a yard sale" and line 3 becomes "and then"

    Ditch the "But" at the beginning of current line 5

    Maybe the start of stanza 2 "She passed me by.../Chose a little clown."

    Third line up: You need a line there for transition, but I don't like the line you have.

    Many koo-does on your piece you did very well on it.


    • art-angel
      June 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you I cant stop saying that
      thank you 1 more time thank you BYE BYE NOW BYE BYE NOW.


    • art-angel
      June 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your suggestions. thank you
      I just love your comment its sworderful LOL.thank you

    • art-angel
      June 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      th ank you.

1 - 8 of 8