guttural screams
unearthly tones
rancid breath
broken bones
teeth gnawing
bloodied face
fingers wrapped
squeezing tight
around throat
streaked moonlight
forest clearing
misty haze
choked screams
demons chase
body limp
panic fades
wooden box
shallow grave
screams echo
no-one saves
terror etched
teared face
nails clawing
no escape
darkness
reigns
Author notes
I have kept all the words close for effect
I wanted you to feel as though you are suffocating by the time you reach the end.
onesugar
http://nocturnal-shadows.deviantart.com/art/CRY-27596311
50 words exactly Bleed
option #1
I think it is excellent
yes it could win.
A contest entry
- Your Inner Cemetery. by EverxEnding.
400 points, ended June 28, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SCARE MY PANTS OFF! by Jade.Butterfly.
1800 points, ended July 10, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark/Macabre Poetry (prewrites) by Miss Macabre.
550 points, ended November 29, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Short lines make for good impact, along with imagery that weaves a poem. It's fast paced and the end brings it to a rolling stop, an enjoyable read. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you.
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Dark
This is a very nice dark write. I like the flow and the imagery. Thanks for entering -
Beautiful and dark just like our friend Wayne loved them. you did great even with your layout of the poem. Best of luck with this my sweet friend.
Joann -
scarry words ecellent pic and great layout of a daggeras i see it chilling indeed sorry for delay in comment had major pc crash . god luck and thanks for entering
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The dagger just happened, loved to say I did it on purpose, not that clever.
Thank you for your fab comment, valued and appreciated
~sugar~
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Terrifying
Wicked poem so descriptive so gruesome and dark, awesomely written
Good luck in the contest.
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Thanks you for reading and commenting
valued and appreciated
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I Love Your Confidence In Your Own Work.
And i love the visual and mental effect that the words create.
The vocabulary and suddeness to this piece is quite alarming.
In a good way.
And it really did give me the chills.
An amazing poem.
Thankyou for gracing us with your talent =P
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I like it before!
and I like it even more with the gold thing a ma jiggy attached to it. Your getting recognition for your most creative pieces. You earned it. -
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So appreciate you. Thank you for your support.
Love ~sweetness~ xxx
I like that gold thing a ma jiggy just finishes it off nicely. 
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This is uniquely amazing.
I love how you set it up,
having all your words so close
gave me a feeling of hurry while reading it,
like i had to read it fast and in have to
read it fast i got an anxious feeling,
and you're right i was nearly gasping for
breath by the end
In so few words you expressed so much emotion
and the effect on the reader is amazing.
haha now let me stop rambling
Good luck!
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This is me totally out my comfort zone..the fact that you felt what I wrote...WOW! Truly appreciated.
~sugar~
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I would have never known this was outside your comfort.
It literally made me feel!
Keep on writing things of this nature
you will find that you are very good at it.
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Thank you so much for the GOLD
Valued and appreciated
~sugar~
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Hey you!
Your intruding on my dark space. I feel real suffocated by that. Must get some air. I feel really closed in. Hellllllpppppp!!!!!
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Budge over...
There is room for one more. LOL!!!
Nice to see you...don't ask where it came from, this one wrote itself.
As always valued and appreciated
Luv ~sugar~ xx
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I like the pace you set for this, using 2 words per line till the end gives it added power IMO. A fantastic piece, all the best in the contest
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Thank you for reading and commenting.
This is me totally out of my comfort zone..this poem just seemed to write itself.
Thank you once again
~sugar~
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Eerie thoughts that are deep and provoking
The whole poem effects me
Dark ...
Amazing write xx
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Cheers hon.
I enjoyed writing this one..it just fell into place.
Thank you for reading
~sugar~
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Very creepy. Fast, not giving the reader time to catch breath. I love this. This is what I call: 'FALLING POETRY' as the words fall and tumble into one another. Brilliant piece. And good luck in the contest hun.
With
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
x
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Cheers hon.
This one wrote itself..like the words it just fell into place.
As always appreciate your support
Dark Love ~sugar~xxx
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Whoa!
Sis, that was creepy. I was more than suffocated. Great words here.
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Cheers bro
Appreciate you reading.
~sugar~
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