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Deja Vu (palindrome)

“Goodbye”
whisper
unsaid words

fear hiding eyes reveal lies

mirrored mistakes
rewind years
through
un-cried tears
and
blood spilled hearts

bridges burned
rebuilt and crossed

lessons
unlearned
time
after
time
unlearned
lessons

crossed and rebuilt
burned bridges

hearts spilled blood
and
tears un-cried

through
years rewind
mistakes mirrored

lies reveal eyes hiding fear

words unsaid
whisper
“Goodbye”


Author notes

My first palindrome.

the nature of this form reminded me of my marriage (that is over) ....how over and over, we would just be repeating ourselves (havent we been here before?), same words, in different order...till the final goodbye...that went without words and tears.

(Gee thanks Arkbear! Fond memories this contest has generated!, lol)

A Palindrome, by definition, is a word, phrase, verse, sentence, or even poem that reads the same forward or backward. It stems from the Greek word palindromos: palin , meaning again , and dromos , meaning a running . Combining the two together, the Greek meaning gives us, running back again ... Shown in the link above, is an example of the word-unit palindrome. The carefully placed words form the same sentence, whether it is read forward or backward. For example, 'Mirrored images reflect images mirrored' which includes a word in the center as a reversal point for the sentence or even the poem.



A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • nevadapoet
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Einstein defines the act of repeating something over and over again, expecting that something to change with the same effort, as insanity. I think we've all been guilty of it...the hard part is to stop the cycle.
    Great job with the write...shows great talent.
    Shelly


  • nevadapoet
    August 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Another perectly put together write... I like youur style.


  • Congruence
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very good technical write - that in this site is a rarity to be honest, a commitment to explore aspects of writing and different techniques should be applauded (I don't bother and i should).

    I liked this, well written.

    James

  • tsavo
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    SAD! SAD! SAD!

    Yes i recognized what you were writing about right away. It felt like you were writing about your mom and me cause we had to live through it to.LOL.(JUST KIDDING) GREAT JOB!


  • February Moon gold member
    July 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This poem is amazing. Very well done, I enjoyed this.


  • RandomPerson
    July 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Caught my eye

    I love it. Flows wonderfully. "lies reveal eyes hiding fear" I love that


  • storiesuntold gold member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Lessons often not learned yet repeated

    Couples today often unknowing what true love is for they themselves have lived through a broken home . Then as in their life they dont work at love they enjoy then often move ob feeling is un fixable .True love is two working together not apart


  • goat1826
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Another awesome write Jamie


  • teddybare
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow


    amazing .. dang your amazing


  • Pisces Pieces
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have yet to attempt this form, if I ever do! Difficult! I believe you have done quite well if this is your first! I'm no expert or anything for sure, but to me it seems successful. I could feel the emotion, almost a sadness..wondering if there's regret (although that may not be the right word)... and I understand the message...hindsight is always 20/20 don't they say?

    I'm impressed and quite a bit jealous Congratulations!!

    ♥


  • Rovingone gold member
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a piece of writing. It captures the lost feeling of things that have broken down or slipped away in a very origonal way. Excellently done.


  • Arkbear gold member
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Jamie :)

    Format is unusual...I like it!

    Grreat Flow and your Theme is heartfelt ~

    The Title speaks volumnes.....and your Tone is surreal ~

    Yes, there are a couple of areas I thought may not have been the best.....*fear hiding eyes reveal lies*

    ...  *fear-hiding eyes, revealing lies........lies, revealing eyes hiding fears*  ...

    This is Da Bomb!!.>>>>>

    mirrored mistakes
    rewind years
    through
    un-cried tears
    and
    blood spilled hearts

    bridges burned
    rebuilt and crossed

    lessons
    unlearned
    time
    after
    time
    unlearned
    lessons

    crossed and rebuilt
    burned bridges

    hearts spilled blood
    and
    tears un-cried

    through
    years rewind
    mistakes mirrored

    ....and then....*words unsaid, whisper*......sort of contradicts each other??

    Other than that, this is such a vivid and sensual piece of Art....I think it will do well ~

    This Form suits you, indeed ~

    Good luck & God bless you!

    Bear ~

    Score:  99.25

     


  • PerVirtuous
    June 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent effort. I am very impressed and give three bunnies.


  • z etoile
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Funny when I was reading this piece i thought of marriage too. I do like your style and glad I stumbled on your piece great write!


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. What an interesting way to present your thoughts. I like this alot. Mine are simply rhyming couplets. I very much enjoy reading form poetry like this.


  • krupty
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ok i am basically amazed at this style of poetry, i didnt even realize what a palindrome was but i read this anyways and it flowed so well i didnt realize it was the same words backwards and then i saw it and was like.. omfg that is the greatest thing i have ever seen.. its like the first time i spelled racecar! Anyways you are amazing and always have kind words for me so thank you you rock face!


  • Angels Whispers gold member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    awesome

    Jamie,

    Your write is awesome Laughing the poem flows well and is easy to read and understand.The ending of your write is awesome ...Words unsaid whisper "Goodbye"...

    Just love those lines.

    You state that this is your first try at this form of writting....no one would ever know,because this is writen so well. I agree with all the other comments left on your entry, nothing much more that I could add without repeating what others have said *wink*

    I wish you all the best in this contest my friend.

    Take care and many beautiful blessings of love and happiness I send to you and your loved ones.

    your friend in poetry,

    ~Angel-Anne~

     

  • Punzel
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome! I likeee ittt. Yeah haha the whole thing reminded me of some kind of relationship that ain't wokin out. Lol. Good job!


  • lilAj
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    found this by mistake, but it is intriguing
    never tried a palindrome, liked the effect it had here, and how smart to use the repetitive feature of the style to metaphorize the relationship (sorry about that by the way)
    good job, glad i read


  • Creatress silver member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem showed a lot of depth. had a nice flow to it. well done especially for a first try. good luck in the contest.
    creatress

    "lessons
    unlearned
    time
    after
    time
    unlearned
    lessons"


  • BehindTheShadow
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! I have never seen one of these and it is love at first sight. Plus, add in your brilliant poetry, and hey, what can I say? This is exactly what happened to me and my ex. I love your poem. I'm sure this type of poem is quite the challenge, and you made it look simple. Splendid. Maybe one day I will try one of these, but it could take me forever. At least I have yours to enjoy now.


  • Polaja Greeters member
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this is an amazing palindrome - I really like the subtle rhyming that you have going on there and the 'mirrored mistakes' imagery is very fitting to the form this is a wonderful and contemporary take on this kind of poetry - and I really enjoyed reading it, very poignant and strong good luck in the contest!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • angelcalled666
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    mmmmmmmmazing

    Love it girl.

    beautiful.

    ALMOST as beautiful as you...
    almost..
    not quite..
    wel... Love the poem and all, but not even close to as beautiful as you <3


    Love ya.
    Sarah


  • pine-needles
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this is the best palindrome i've ever read... very effective, flows perfectly, completely natural. indeed has a wonderful rhythm to it, and i love how the form complements the content. also how the shape is also mirrored. sorry to hear about the painful background, but you did a wonderful job writing about it, and it adds to the poem's power.

    if i were to suggest anything, i'm not sure about the "blood spilled heart / hearts spilled blood," just because this imagery has been overused, but it still works okay if you decide like to keep it. just an idea. otherwise, awesome palindrome.

    p.s. love the title!

  • dillpickle62
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    Nicely done! Bravo! Author notes sum up poem perfectly.
    Best wishes in the contest. You ROCK the poetic world.

  • mrme gold member
    June 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent Write as Always

    You never cease to amaze me!!!!! nuff said.


  • Preacher
    June 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Tears in My eyes

    This is really bittersweet, wonderful write, I love the format. Awesome as always Jamie


  • poppa
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write Jamie.....sad subject matter but you have penned it brilliantly ....good luck in the contest..




  • Patpowers silver member
    June 7, 2008

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    Not bad for your first one Jamie! I hope Arkbear will give you a gold trophy for this. I liked the definition of this too. THANKS!


  • loving.a.soldier
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good! I love it! You did an amazing job with this. Keep it up! Sorry about the split with the husband though.

    The One and Only...

    ~Lynn Jones


  • Lucy.
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How very clever! Wow, well done! You've done this brilliantly. (The author notes sound quite familiar too )
    Brilliant work! Good luck in the contest.


  • islekine gold member
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful job Jamie!

    Top three for sure! ...In my book anyway....
    have to go read the rest!
    Write on!
    *PEACE*


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Uhhhhh...wow. Yeah, we are twins for certain, my friend. This one kicked me square in the guts. The pain is so overbearing that it's left a sour taste in my mouth. That's quite a nifty trick! Thank you for sharing & all the best of luck in the contest. This one deserves some recognition.

1 - 33 of 33