The double sided sliding doors
of the grocery store;
automatic invitation and the wasted
gushing of cold air
How we're swept inside to throw
away a week's labor on apples,
oranges and strawberry seasons of love
on prices that are not sky high;
but leave the atmosphere entirely
And when we come back down
through the clouds of chemicals,
false promises of sun kissed ads
on colorful landscapes-
We draw ourselves up for the slaughter
along chilled meat,
braving packages of family size
or having to admit;
that we only need the single serving
Author notes
Don't know why I was focused on this, but here it is.
A contest entry
- Dirty like this... by AJ Morelli.
3300 points, ended July 9, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Outstanding
Wonderful write on a very troublesome topic.
You penned it perfectly..
I'm glad I returned the favor!
wolf
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i like this one a lot. especially the last few stanzas there. my only real suggestion is substituting some other word for "gushing." i mean, it's just personal preference really, but i just think it sounds awkward and strange. i would probably use flood/flooding. it's just a thought though, just thinking out loud. it's a good piece.
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"We draw ourselves up for the slaughter
along chilled meat,
braving packages of family size
or having to admit;
that we only need the single serving"
i really can't tell you how much that section resonates with me, for very personal reasons...
a very strong poem, that i am very fond of...
great entry in the contest...
al -
very very interesting. i dont have much words. this was true and thought provoking.
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There is something hollow in this write, like yo as the author are complaning that you are lonely, that something is missing from your standard American life. Well written, loved the metaphors and the unconventional focus of the the poem, excellent work!
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This sounds like a lonely person, it this stating about the loneliness of modern life? I think this is very well put together. And I like that each stanza is exactly how long it has to be instead of saying. 'four lines each' and making things fit. the first line about the sliding doors is good, it makes one envision the store. I didn't understand the 'seasons of love' what is that? The comment on how the prices leave the atmosphere entirely is priceless, no joke intended, so smart and clever. i would like to be more critical to help you but this poem is quite good as it is, the point of it is plain, the images are fantastic, it's such a satisfying read. I hope to read more of your poems.
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That was a great comment. Thanks!
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I really enjoyed this poem. Especially "having to admit; we only need the single serving". Boo grocery shopping and phony advertising and food shopping for one.
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You definitely speak the truth. Grocery shopping can be a pain. Awesome job on this!
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Painfully real. Ugh - I hate grocery shopping.
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