©2008 by Elizabeth Darkwell
sometimes you gotta cry
you dont need a bad day
to lose your brain way
an let emotions fly
sometimes you need to change
the flight from egg to light
obstacles you fight
in an attempt to rearange
sometimes you should stand still
feel the earth in your toes
the happy in the woes
kick it slow an chill
sometimes you doubt your self
feel like all you do is wrong
take the rythym from the song
throw your pride on a shelf
but sometimes its your time
deep inside you feel the power
a dying apple turning sour
recycled to a lime
A contest entry
- Encouragement by Riftkin.
425 points, ended June 22, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come One, Come All - The Circus Is In Town by lowercase prelude.
4000 points, ended October 15, 2008, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Simply great.
The emotions and the power of words is very good, as one thinks about life. -
so beautiful are your words of encouragement thank you for entering Riftkin
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I really liked it, its so powerful and i can relate with it
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Welcome to Allpoetry
Whilst this is a deep piece, and I see a lot of thought provoking meanings behind it, the rhyme is quite forced. Particularly, I feel, in the first and last stanzas.
I feel that punctuation would be great here, in some places. A comma here, would allow a reader pause. Then a full stop to allow them to reflect on what they have read and anticipate what is to come.
The second line, in the second last stanza, has "fell like" and I think it should be "feel like"
Welcome to the site, I hope that you enjoy it
Miss Faerie
Site Greeter -
very good poem and i like the meaning of it too. my favorite lines are "sometimes you doubt your self
fell like all you do is wrong
take the rythym from the song
throw your pride on a shelf" keep up the good work
♥always Katie
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