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weighed within the sea

 

 

 

 

 
this bed is empty
and I am in it
 
as water to an ocean
 

 
horizons creep
closer
as the day suicides
into night-
 
dark and jagged;
harder,

 

all blue turns black
 
here
 
at the end of the sea
and I am beneath it
 
so far
 



down
 

where even fluid
has weight
 

and fingers drip touches

like echoes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Word Count: 57

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • Broken-Bones
    July 19

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    This was wonderful. I can not get one particular image out of my head and that was created by the lines "as the day suicides into night". I thought that was such a powerful way of conveying it. Great Work.

  • fullfathomfive
    June 24
    Edit | Reply
    last two lines spectacular...

  • myrataal silver member
    June 23

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations ...

    on a wondrous Gold.

    Love
    Myra


  • Naridill
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    The lack of full stop at end was beautiful. Sometimes its what you don't read that pulls the hardest. This - one of my favourites - ever - from you, I don't know if it's because I haven't read much from you in awhile or what. But this - this made something tip from the edge and it stung - a beautiful pain that really tears the insides of what poetry should be. Well, I thought so.

  • transcendental baby gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    Remember to float until you break through surface


  • Faithbound gold member
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    So is this. Loved it.


  • Malabu
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    actuallly I like this...I even thought about losing a few the and ands...making it shorter...but ahh that's the mally mind delved into this depth of blue on blues singing suicide
    Yow
    Mal


  • Tangled Angle
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    for my personal taste, i would have liked to see fuller lines. that's a style preference though, so that doesnt really count. lol

    but that set aside, and going by technicalities - i thought you did a nice job. The closing stanza was my favorite part - i just loved the way you wrote the ending. overall: simple, but the execution was done effectively & i felt the loneliness. good stuff.

1 - 9 of 9