Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Successive Signals

Shower spray soothes suffering stunned soul.
Sensitivity’s slippery soap sensation store sends serendipity’s sun,

suddenly subtle cyphered successive subsurface sonar signals satisfaction strew, 

strangely satiate, resuscitating successful sentimental sojourn.

Had we not met or had I through disappointment's hole
never slipped, would joyful journey now begun
have taken place replacing splintered parts with whole
validating vibrations verifying unimagined union.

Dreams drive Destiny’s dance despite danger, doleful dole.
Desire dismisses disillusion, delusion; auto-derision’s self-fulfilling fun
flows fluidly through Time's wave bands’ ripple role
pursuing harmonious horizon
untouched, unsmutched, unattainted, as inner reach attains role
reversal, releases control … Story spun.

Author notes

1. "And everything is dreams, and the dreams are a dream." --Seen in a short story by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro.

In a list

Kindly extend the courtesy of comments you yourself would appreciate

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Aerden gold member
    June 14
    Edit | Reply
    Hello, and thank you for entering my contest.

    I love the first two lines of the second stanza; they read almost like a Shakespearean sonnet.

    The rest of the poem, though, is extremely heavy on alliteration, and it feels as if many of the words are chosen simply for alliteration. The eyes glaze over after reading too much of that.

  • Naznomarn
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not quite sure how this relates to the quote. But still. can't be helped sometimes. The use of alliteration was impressive, if unnecessary and over used I felt. Though I gather you're a great fan of that!
    I'm thinking that the main thing that detaches me from this is how un-dreamlike it is. The alliteration of 's' worked to some extent drawing it out, yet the affect was shattered by the use of hard characters such as 'k', and the over-reliance on the technique.
    This gives rise to possibly reading into it and seeing this as a broken dream, yet this defeats the quote, as it says "Everything is dreams" to go on to say the dreams are a dream within a dream.
    That aside. Nicely written. I'm glad to see the use of a thesaurus, though this does break flow and create another feeling of excessive technique use. Of course, some would take it as a sign of genius/wisdom.
    It's all down to perspective.
    And the final line seemed to tie things together neatly.
    Ah dear! I have written rather a lot.
    Attention goes to those deserving I suppose.

  • janejainejayne gold member
    June 8

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!

    My new motto is going to be DDDD...
    'dreams drive destiny's dance'
    this is a song to life!
    Thanks Jonathan, this was wonderful! Jane

  • frownsnfreckles
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    'Shower spray soothes suffering stunned soul.'

    It certainly does, I have just removed a poem of mine revelling under the shower.

    flows fluidly through Time's wave bands’ ripple role
    pursuing harmonious horizon

    I like the flow throughout, suggesting the constant movement towards the source of joy. A little confused about the role reversal though?


  • Night Hope gold member
    June 7

    Edit | Reply
    "Had we not met or had I through disappointment's hole
    never slipped, would joyful journey now begun"

    Sighhh...We have all slipped through that fathomless hole, my dear Friend. The difference is, we have also climbed back out, to ascend into the skies with such beautiful wings such as these. Wonderful penning, Scribe of sanctified sighs. Wanda

1 - 5 of 5