Dealing with Feelings

My CD of life is scratched, on repeat
And I'm too stubborn to admit defeat.
When the pain comes, I push it away
Save my sorrow for another day.

Keeping busy so I don't have to think
Mindless activities so I can't feel my heart sink
I'm not open to love, I'm a dead end street
Pushing everyone away, even new people I meet

If I push them away, they don't have to hurt
If by some chance, I end up six feet under, in the dirt
My wall is a fortress, impenetrable as I stand alone
Nothing and no one can reach me, not even a caring tone.

I try and try but it never matters
The things you want and need are never handed out on silver platters
Besides, who deems your necessities have been earned?
Who decides what lessons need to be learned?

I'm sick of it all, this never-ending game
This life that I lead, so incredibly lame.
Make it stop, take away the pain I feel.
Give me a taste of happiness, something for real.