Gentleness has been the foretoken
of my femininity: blues clear
and hues of pure
white, soft
as the smile that flowered
its cup to protect my heart.
Now it is time to bring you near
to me.
Unveil me ... See then this tear,
this innocence, that you infected
with a blot.
.
Author notes
Art: Rina Badenhorst -- Innocence Nuditas
Please visit and buy her art at
http://www.southafricanartists.com/showartist.asp?Code=BADEN002
In a list
A contest entry
- A Tear and a Smile - Winklings #93 by Lyndon.
900 points, ended June 24, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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how delicate this poem is - fragile. love the idea of a smile flowering it's cup to protect a heart - makes the heart seem so vulnerable with only a thin veil to protect it.
I think the line spacing of this poem adds something over all - anticipation, I guess and subtle surprise. I like the spacing so much, I think it is my favorite part of the poem. very fresh. - NANGALEEMA
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Oh yes, a female's failure to understand herself and the conflict that results, so sad that so much of life has to be wasted; demeaning still is the lover reduced to a blot, this poem reeks of the reality of so many women in our society. Though I'm not of big fan of free verse, I thoroughly enjoyed.
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Thank you for reading Tony ...
I appreciate it ... but I think you brought to the poem your own understanding. This is not what the poem says. I would want you to reread, if you would be so kind.
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Touching
This a sensual yet veiled write. I enjoyed it very much
but I didn't get the spacing thing. Maybe I'm just too old to learn new tricks .lol
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So true it only takes so little to destroy Very Well protrayed Love you poetry KLeroo
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You are quite the conumdrum my dear. The essence of innocense and purity juxtaposed the obvious feminine wiles you possess. You beguile and bedazzle me with the same words. Best of luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Resounds of a more resigned and less fiery Anne Sexton. I appreciate the simplicity of this poem: is this why you didn't use synonyms for colors? (Like cerulean?). Speaks more to the human condition (for females at least) despite remarkable brevity of words!
Good Job you!
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Very good combination of image and poem. The painting's just a wee bit reminiscent of Picasso's blue period, but more angular. And I like the focus on the white rose in the centre. Is it a rose? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Nice work. Clever internal echo with blues and hues, and foretoken is a word I haven't seen for a while. The alliteration with femininity is gentle and unexpected. I'd have been tempted to rhyme it with broken!
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Hmm, very nice. Kinda makes you think as you read, or at least it makes me think..
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Charming, and subtle enticements run all through the lines. Wonderfully written.
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There is a corrosive cost to bringing someone near;
it is like an infection. You express here the degree of lovely that enhances with time that is carried in the promise: "Grow old with me- the best is yet to come." It seems offered; but with conflicted dissapointment. Love the alliteration, internal rhyme and assonance. You are helping me see deeper. Thanks. Re visit (white) i posted long version. Thank you for gifts. much appriciated. -
Pristine
An exquisitely written poem that is
as pure as the driven rain.
Your words corresponded well to the
image you used. I felt a genuine purity
and softness that made this peace
elegant and unique. Very nice job
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Beautifully written. And sad as well, the loss of innocence.
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A lovely take on the prompt that encompasses all the themes of love, loss and sorrowful joy Myra.
I do like that opening...
'Gentleness has been the foretoken
of my femininity'
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This is a creative and thoughtful use of the theme, the intrigue of love and from a heart in need of something that seems has been both given and denied, a captivating sense of depth here. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
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Most beautiful, I love the softness of your words.
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Wow. I don't often comment, but this was absolutely beautiful. Keep writing!
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Very elegant poem! You did so well with it. I love it! Very good write
Keep it up! And I hope to read more amazing poems by you!!!
The One and Only...
~Lynn Jones
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This like everything I've read of yours is suffused with quality and elegance.
End line which brings it so suddenly to a close, wraps this lovely package with a perfect knot.
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A lovely take on a tear and a smile, it brought a smile to me as I read this feminine vision of it all. Love, C
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lovely gentle poem .well done good luck x peterr
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This would not be the first time I was compared to a disease. Ha ha ha. This is a wonderfully revealing piece. You are ever making the page dance. Thank you.
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