so what if our mame doesn't filter shame
whispers the name and lays forth blame
so what if our words are cut in thirds
and run in herds like flocking birds
so what if were green an thoughts are lean
we keep it clean to glow our sheen
So what if you're blue its part of you
you cant construe it's all so true
no perfection chains election to a vicious predilection
hates the first infection based upon a gender and complexion
find a gentler transcendension to set forth a real affection
or fate will falter your dimension without love and introspection
So what if there's pain you cant contain
express it vain like pouring rain
So what if the Earth needs a rebirth
an shatters mirth for all its worth
So what if were doomed we'll go out groomed
when terror loomed we crouched then boomed
so what if it's trite we're all finite
just take a bite with all your might
no level sane we cannot wane with wax and mane
lifes deals the strain we must not train to shape our feign
when anothers plane exists in vain to your refrain
just find your lane and speed past bane and self disdain
attempt to gain
A contest entry
- Enter Whatever. by OurxBeginning.
300 points, ended June 7, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mega-Rhymer! by albymyheart.
1600 points, ended July 17, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Never Ending Rhyme Pre-Writes Allowed Contest by piccola.
700 points, ended February 14, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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lots of good rhyme here which makes it fun to read. Thank you for entering
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There was alot more rhyme in here than I thought at first glance. I like your use of internal rhyming re-inforcing the end rhymes. You weave your words well in expressions of poetic mastery. A deep and meaningful write. Thank you so much for entering this gem in my contest...alby
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Hello Darkwell.
Seeing as you mentioned this I thought I would check it out. A good read, that brings up valid points. In my humble opinion, your rhyme and flow is good, apart from the second line first verse, too many words so it overspills. Some times when I write rhymes I have beats per minute in my head, to make sure things don’t over flow, or sometimes I say the words over a tune I am working on. Sheesh sometimes I even clap the syllables hahaha. Whatever it takes to make sure the form and flow is tight. Of course considering this piece, you can well say so what, hahaha.
My regards.
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Most interesting read
You have truly written a piece to give great thought over .
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An interesting piece. In my honest opinion, it seems very scattered, but I think it helps your piece also. I did like the meaning behind this. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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1 - 5 of 5
