I'm Trying to Abstain

I don't know why, but suddenly
I have the strangest craving -
to indulge in cigarette smoking.
From this I've always tried to abstain,
for the sake of my asthmatic father
who I live with and care for.
I would explain more, but it'd take too long.

I rarely drink - I've seen the effects
of alcohol abuse first hand.
I'm a social drinker, only imbibing
when the occasion calls for it,
such as weddings and other celebrations.
But why the sudden urge to start smoking?
Perhaps my anti-anxiety meds aren't working.

Temptation is leaning on the doorbell.
I know, I'm 26 and still living with my family,
but under college conditions and the cost of living,
and family tradition, it's acceptable.
Drinking, not getting drunk, mind you,
and target shooting (not shooting to kill)
are acceptable as far as household rules.

But smoking, in my family, is taboo.
You wouldn't believe the hullabaloo
that would result if I started smoking.
It's funny, with all the Civil War reenactors
that I hang around that it's something I'm

not already into...I've done my best so far

not to get into that habit at reenactments.

It's dangerous, too, I know.
I saw what it did to my grandfather,
and heard of the agonizing death of my
great-uncle from lung cancer.
I don't want to die from that.
I was a nurse's aide for four years -
I saw what smoking did, and what
my patients as a result suffered through.

Perhaps it's a passing temptation,
Or a phase I'm going through.
Maybe I need to see my doctor;
the real reason could be my addictive meds.
I don't know what it is...it could be stress,
but then again I've been in worse conditions
and never was tempted to handle the situation
by smoking and nicotine addiction.