i hid between classifieds,
envisioning a life where
happiness came cheaper than
secondhand bullshit,
where wives came less used
than furniture.
i shed each day
and threw my old skins
into a keyless vault,
hanging bare as the
trees in resentment
when autumn
stiffened into winter.
shrouded in self-isolation,
i wished to be forced away
from accumulating lies,
to be recognized as
a human stranded on
another plateau of morality.
i imagined them
peering into my mind,
hoping for analysis:
seven sets of sharp beaks
and foreign eyes
would recoil at the beauty
of naked, raw emotion-
i had no skin left
to leave behind.
Author notes
Teen Idol 8 Assignment 3- a tough time
personal
A contest entry
- TI8 - Round 10 - Top 4 - Finale - Assignment 3 by Tangled Angle.
1400 points, ended June 15, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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everything came together here. the title presents a probin question. and the answer is not as elusive as i expected it to be. there's definitely some other level lines in here: where wives came less used
than furniture; the whole second stanza just left me lookin dumb in the face with my mouth open: i shed each day
and threw my old skins
into a keyless vault,
hanging bare as the
trees in resentment
when autumn
stiffened into winter.
soo nice. ; imagined them
peering into my mind...seven sets of sharp beaks
and foreign eyes
powerful. and didnt get any weaker with the last line. i believe all who pour themselves out or expose all would feel a kinship with this sorta honesty. most excellent
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and so you have seen no others on your plateau yet... surely there are some... or maybe a better question how many plateaus ( "s" there or can that be plural or singular? ) have you been on? but its rather well you are in isolation.... accepting your aloneness will make you a much better person.... some of us will always be alone no matter who we're with... i dont know this for fact but i think its because we find the existance in our own conciousness much more pleasurable than our social and physical enviroment sometimes.... haha just a theory
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Wow - this is so intensely passionate. this is poetry.
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The ending of your first stanza, wowzers! Strong and hard hitting. Really excellent image.
And the finale, really well done - the couplet was great but it is the stanza just before that that speaks to me.
Excellent piece. -
ah i love the ending!
and there are some really, really excellent lines, like:
"where wives came less used
than furniture."
i don't know...it really touched the feminist in me.
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Now this is damn good work!
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