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Tabula Rasa

Long interred in Adam’s bitter soot,
till worms crept
through softest skin,
(with leviathan’s slinking craft)
swallowing soul’s coverlet and boring through
sinews of hope,

I wallowed

in listed remembrance--
already drowned, yet still gulping sludge,
no dreams of light
but only plans to construct
pretty mud houses in stately, mud towns.

And suddenly, while mire still crusted
upon hollow, dark eyes,
a strangely marked hand dipped deep
into that grave, swiftly
lifting
my empty frame

placing me hard, just within a mountain’s cleft,
beneath the fall of crisp, clear waters.
At first the rushing stung my flesh
until the dredge fell off in clumps
into the moving flow.  Its crystal essence,
as salve of soothing, 
filled each emptied crevice,
renewing glint of day to eyes,
restoring fissured soul with joy.

I often retreat to that fair fountain
and let those waters touch, then rush over
me, through me
. . . to keep from counting dust.

And sometimes when the sun is highest,
and shines just right
against that smooth stone’s pure surface,
I catch a glimpse, there reflected,

of an image

I can scarcely call
my own.






Author notes

PROMPT: "Memory" by Cupcrazy (see contest page)

coverlet: a usually decorative cover for a bed, placed over the other covers when the bed is not being used

Tabula Rasa: Blank slate

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • mikethepoet
    July 2, 2008

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    u won bronze I think u should have won gold but it is just my opion to you cause I love the poem good job all I can say is don't give up


  • Ryno
    June 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    _Yes_ Creativity / Originality
    _Yes_ Imagery
    _Yes_ Metaphor
    _Yes_ Emotion
    _Yes_ Reaction
    _Yes_ Relatability
    _Yes_ Fluency
    _Yes_ Powerful Beginning
    _Yes_ Powerful Middle
    _Yes_ Powerful Ending
    _Yes_ Connecting Ideas
    _Yes_ Interesting Idea Behind Piece and/or a Message Behind Piece
    _Yes_ Interesting In General (Does Not Bore)


  • Mirthryl
    June 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely love the first stanza, most particularly "with leviathan's slinking craft" and "swallowing soul's coverlet and boring through sinews of hope."
    Dreams of worldly success, as enduring as the mud huts will be in the rain of years. Lovely "strangely marked hand dipped deep into that grave." Cleansing of that to which one was so accustomed as to not realise its presence by contrast. Realistic "at first [it] stung", beautiful "salve of soothing filled each emptied crevice."
    Inspiring concluding 7 lines. Love "a glimpse, there reflected, of an image I can scarcely call my own." For when we become His, we receive His image in our countenances. Outstanding imagery and alliteration throughout.


  • zochit2me gold member
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This truely is a wonderful piece of writing with thoughts that flow and images filling the readers mind and senses...
    I love the ending lines

    Becky


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    June 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is such a beautiful piece, great imagery and flow. Deeply philosophical and captivating. I especially enjoyed your line breaks and spacing in this piece, it provided the pause needed to inhale the words and emotions that you so cleverly crafted into a very moving piece. Thanks for the gorgeous entry. hugs, Bunny


  • Peteskid gold member
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the imagery and the use of analogy; the fountain such a wonderful symbol of rebirth, and the theme of renewal..not from nothing or a blank sheet but to a state of creation: a new ideal from remnants traces, experiences... this was so very well done here...excellent use of context to create insights and new ways of seeing important things...very well written...PK


  • Cannonsfire
    June 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Bravo dear gal...brilliant best Love, C

1 - 7 of 7