Rain: white noise
Bare feet whisper kisses;
the hardwood floor receives
each as a promise,
under the cover
of the downpour.
Streetlights chase
a haze to the asphalt.
I get lost in the silver shadows,
when your lips brush my ear,
“Tell me where you are?”
The night is a cloud.
“A captive, until you
rescued me,” I reply,
leave the fogginess
on the glass; turn
within the circle of
your arms. Run my
fingers through
your hair, comb it
away from your face.
Your ear pressed against my heart.
Hear my pulse louder than water down.
I treasure these moments:
the unlit room, the water curtain--
caught in the presence, fills me.
This moment: my breath full of you.
I am totally available, the quick current
of your spirit flows in the deeper sea.
I navigate my sharing by your stars,
you stand on my decks to sail your course.
Postscript
Eternity lost in the complexity of light;
Poets march words into boxes of meaning;
everyone searches for something to hide
from nothing. People want what we have
in this moment. They are mistaken --
only we can have it. Creation and being,
moment to moment, are acts of wonder
unique to their creators, our snowflakes of fire.
12:46 PM
06/06/08
Alexandria H.D., VA
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Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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A opostscript or not ~ a moot point.
This is a good poem. I liked your versatility.
Willy
ler 
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We ache to make the world of feelings a language we can converse in. Often, we are threatened by our own ignorance. We call it mysticism to be in the moment and yet it is where creation lives. Thanks for enjoying the vision of the peace and the language of my simple tonuge.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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...and there it is, in your last stanza before the postscript, - the magic of your verse. Those tiny unexplainable feelings that make us see our miracles.
A beautiful verse filled with wonderful imagery and strong deep emotion. Truly moving and precious.
Thank you for such a splendid entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Thanks. We create universes from those tiny little seeds. I am glad you caught it so completely.
Love, Tom B.
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Ah, ah, that kidn of rain.... bravo!!!!
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I thought you would enjoy the understanding and glean more than I had thought I had planted in the words.
Love, Tom B.
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Beautiful. It is a poem that a person can get lost in. I love the point made in the last stanza that occurances like these are not limited to the few, but can be experienced by anyone who puts in the effort.
I was a little confused here
"Your ear pressed against my heart.
Hear my pulse louder then water down."
Did you intend "then water down" or "than water down"? Either could work so I wasn't really sure whether or not to mention it in critique
At any rate, I enjoyed the read/
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Thanks for taking the time to really comment on the poem. The editorial note is answered by "than" for what I was trying to say.
The last stanza was really two things primarily. One: these occurances are unique to each couple, Two: the perfect one is the one you have.
I wanted or attempted to capture the moment when we are most available to each other. The space in time where each instant grabs its share of infinity and makes us feel that forever was invented to describe this moment. I want to thank you again for the depth of your insights and for taking the time to let this move you.
Love, Tom B.
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This had me in an old black & white movie sitting on a bench with someone I love that has yet to become my lover..Still going through the motions of discovery without the intimacy of touch. All the feelings are felt from the heart and soul..seeking to explore, to know, to experience the other from inside and connecting with only thoughts. I don't know if any of this makes sense but knowing you, I think you will completely understand.
Beautifully written.
Love
Nor
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Rather astute set of insights. I look at it as those moments when we are available to each other. Then each part of the coming together takes on its own drama.
Love, Tom B.
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your writing is like a breath of fresh air. this is amazing and so full of abstract motion.
everything can be seen an infinite number of ways. thank you for proving that to me.
i adore this style. i look forward to reading more.
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Thanks, I try to capture a moment and let it open its arms to the reader in return. I do tend to see how many different layers of meaning and vision we bring to the life we stand in.
Love, Tom B.
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Pleasant imagery
Cool stuff. I'm enamored with the imagery here. It's detailed and flows well, pleasantly creating an image in the mind that morphs as I read it through. I found the end a tad out-of-place, though, as everything before it builds an image, but it transitions somewhat disjointedly into what could be the start of a separate piece. Overall though, I like it for the dramatic imagery that flows gracefully.
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This is about the moments when you really wake up to the presence of your love. Each moment takes on its own sense of forever and ones sense of grace allows one to flow from one to the next. For what are we going to do if events are not related beyond being pearls on a strand or that logic fails because we have the wrong definitions and our premise fails. The postscript, another way of looking at everything, perception controls our decisions. Thanks for the comments.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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This is absolutely amazing! Very impressive. You definitely did a wonderful job with this. Keep it up! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work
The One and Only...
~Lynn Jones
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Thanks. I try to catch,when I can, the sensual joy found in a moment with the one you love. Sometimes I even succeed.
Love, Tom B.
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Wow...Stunning work, Tomis!
"...Your ear pressed against my heart.
Hear my pulse louder then water down...."
So is mine after reading this!! My goodness, the romanticism in this is wonderful, so much of it woven into these words. And, the postscript sums it all up perfectly. Your language is stunning, as well. So many well turned lines, and brilliant imagery. This leaves me so serene.... Thanks for sharing, Tomis. Just WOW!
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I was really afraid of adding the postscript but it just seemed to belong. Not as an explanation but to shift from the immediate moment to the recognition of where it fit in the greater body.
When we are really present to one another it is hard to not have each moment be so special that we want it to be the next forever. I tried to catch this by the way I broke up the verses. We are all creators when we are caught up in the act of real love. We weave quantums of energy shifting the floor of our being making ourselves large enough to have room for another.
I look forward to reading this one at the open mic I will attend this Sunday. Thanks for delighting in the richness of my words.
Love, Tom B.
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Lots of interesting things on in this one. I like how you were dividing it up into different sections that were seperate or related. Kind of like when people use numerics and little poems. Really cool. Loved the part about a water curtain. That was definitely my favorite part. You did a good job here.
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When we are really present to the presence of another, each moment has its own space and becomes special all by itself. I tried to capture this feeling with the way I broke the poems verses, letting each stand alone, they way we remember each one knowing they all belong together but we could of stood forever in anyone of them. Thanks for sharing your joy. It multiplies mine.
Love, Tom B.
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WOW!
Good job again Tom! The postscript in this says it all. Nice romantic read. THANKS!!
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I am, admittedly, a romantic. This is just a moment in the life.
Love, Tom B.
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I like this one ALOT... And so true!!! People are always wanting what others have, but it can't happen! You can never have anyones elses moments, only create your own, they can be similar and yet they are entirely as unique as each individual!!!
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Yeah, it makes a lot of envy and jealousy, pointless.
Love, Tom B.
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Love, C
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Love, Tom B.
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