Flames tumble toward the skyline;
Warmth converges with mischievous shadows.
Clamor becomes subdued, serene, and covert --
The babysitter has departed.
Author notes
I usually don't wrote non-rhyming poems or short poems. For some reason, I tried both here. I hope this is decent.
The prompt was to describe your favorite time of the day in 10-20 words.
The babysitter is not a literal babysitter... sheesh.
What does this poem mean to you?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I know what you mean about the babysitter. In my neighborhood, the second it gets dark they are afraid to call a taxi and I have to drive them home. Plus, if I need them to stay longer they want another $3 per hour. You've got to be kidding me!! It's not like the job they are doing requires much skill or talent and...oh wait, different kind of babysitter.
Sorry about that, in a funny mood, and reading your comment, felt the irresistable urge to type something stupid.
I enjoyed the piece, and felt is a great complement to the picture (which is awe-inspiring.)
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Personally, I think the last line about the babysitter made your whole piece!!!! You did a great job here! I so admire poets that do the non rhyming pieces and make them sound so amazing. Wish I could.
I hope you try this style again, I think you may be onto something good with it.
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Wow, that's an amazing piece. I loved the imagery you presented. Even if the picture wasn't there, I would have known that it was a sunset, and I liked the "babysitter" metaphor as well. It's a very unique take (and yes, I understood it wasn't a literal babysitter. Did people actually think that? haha. It's a poem, seriously, you expect it to be literal??) Anyways, great poem. Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
Modernxtimes
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I like your "flames tumbling" for the sun, the meeting of warmth and shadow, the day's clamor changing into subdued, serene and covert evening. The babysitter, hah, is that like Elvis has left the building or am I being "sheesh?"
Thank you for your "I don't using write non-rhyming poems" entry which I found to be enjoyable to read and evocative of sunset.
Marlene -
i dont get it
it was an enjoyable poem but can you explain the meaning. -
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Ah, well okay. I am describing the sun going down. The first line is about the hot sun getting closer to the skyline. The second line is about it's warmth beginning to mix with a 'playful' darkness. The third line is about all of the noise and business of the day becoming quiet, calm, and undetectable. The last line directly refers to the sun and calls it a "babysitter" that watches over the day and says that it has left.
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I really like the "non literal" way you used babysitter It changes up the mood and direction a bit, makes the reader think rather than just "see". Imagery was beautiful and original. Thanks.
Much Love
Carrie
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So short. >.>
But seriously, I like the general feel, and the message, though to be wholly honest, it does seem powerful given the amount of space you worked with.
Good. -
I like this poem. I liked the picture of the sunset. It brought life to the poem.
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Ooh, wonderful lines written here; quite vibrant and all
You did well for someone who's not used to writing this kind of pieces
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the sun is the babysitter?
that is very original!
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this is a great poem, i love short and easy to read poems, as they quickly create strong images in my head, so well done, and good luck with the contest
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i like this piece, amazing picture too, best of luck in that contest...
well i really enjoyed your poetry, thanx, have a great one
NL
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A nice, little poem with a little kick at the end. Great job!!
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I love your last line in this one, its such a great twist at the end. For both a short and non-rhyming poem, it was a very entertaining read. Conjures images in a very short space.
Cheers,
Tala
PS Your author's page is hilarious/awesome
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