As the sunset falls
stare into the sun.
A sullen amber;
outlined in dusky
{royal} purple.
The moon dances off
to the centerstage.
Its curtain a
murky swampwater
{inked out} black.
Polka dots are
shining stars
and street lamps
play the solar flares.
Bright white
{blinding} shows.
Night is the stage
for a singing duet.
A dance of our
{polka dots}
and
{solar flares}
as they fight.
Just to be noticed.
Then I remember,
I forgot to laugh.
Wasn't supposed to
take this seriously.
It's all fake.
{Just a game, Love.}
And then it all
became so real.
Author notes
Wow... I don't think this will make sense to anyone else but me. I hope it does, but I doubt it. Enjoy though...
I'll explain if asked.
It's quite strange I know.
I'd love to be in your AP family. I don't care what as. Maybe AP daughter? Or pet owl?
***I'm going to try and explain this. The things in brackets {} are words from the present. The rest of the poem is how we get so wrapped up in something so beautiful and awe-inspiring that we forget it's not real. This is more personal than anything... Based on a dream and several statements. I hope you like it. ***
A contest entry
- Adding to my family and meeting new poets!!! by ChildOfRhiannon.
479 points, ended June 22, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comment honestly please. But don't be rude. CONSTRUCTIVE CRISTISM is welcome. But don't bash me; I work hard.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Very creative...
"Then I remember,
I forgot to laugh."
I love this line...
Thank you for entering!!!
Az
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i love it, for some odd reson i felt like i was swimming in a memmory, or a thought, or a dream...no, a fantasy!! just bliss, quiet sober whimsickle peace...its a nice feeling to feel after being so hurt lately..thankx for making you poem sweep me away for a moment..
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Thanks. Well, that's what I was going for. I told you, it was a very personal write... Closer to me than a lot of what I write.
No prob. Glad to help. A lot of what I've been writing has a more dreamlike tone.
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I felt like I was laying on top of a car in a parking lot on a starry, cloudless night. The only way, though, that I could make the last two or three parts (about the fake part and laughing and whatnot) is that you're staring at a painting of such a scene that caught you so in depth that you were kinda sucked in.
I'm probably so far off...please explain.
Still a good piece, though - no matter what the background is.
--Flare
o}--{=======>
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Wow....
Congrats... That's pretty much exactly what I meant. Like you were watching something and then you forgot it wasn't real. I just used this particular scene. I don't know why. So yeah, you were actually semi-almost-right.
Thanks.
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Yaay - point for me! ^.^
One question - what were the brackets for? -
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Yep.
Well... I can't decide. Either words from another voice or, the more likely one, words from reality. Like something trying to drag you back to the present. At first it plays along, and then it starts to drag you back. If that makes sense. -
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The first person to understand a riddle is a guy who speaks in riddles himself sometimes. Of course that makes sense; in fact, I can't believe I didn't think of that.
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It's okay. It probably won't make sense to most people... I rather like the poem, but it's more personal than anything.
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I like it too - and I'm pretty sure that I won't be the only one to get it.
If it's any consolation, I do the same thing sometimes (actually, a lotta-times). -
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Thanks. I hope not. But even if you are... That's okay.
That's nice to know. So I'm not alone in my craziness.
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