Anger, Mistrust
You left me
In the Dust
"You don't care about how I feel
I don't feel it anymore"
There's nothing to conceal
I'm not the same person as before.
There are times I still cry for you
Then other times I just don't
These alternating thoughts are new
Wishing you would come back- I know you won't
I dig deep inside of me to find some defense
To hide, so the longing feelings don't crawl inside
Because back four months ago the depression was intense
There was no where for me to go, no one for me to confide
So as I sit here with my ipod in my ears
I listen to this dreadfully angry song
The lyrics make my eyes fill with tears
Painfully reminding myself that in your life- I don't belong
Anger, Mistrust
You left me
In the Dust
Author notes
Thought of writing this after listening
to the song ATWA -System of A Down
love them by the way.
A contest entry
- Just listen. by birdlove.
300 points, ended June 22, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Second Chances PIF by I-Like-Rhymes.
800 points, ended July 2, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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i hope you feel better after writing this. you should you deserve better! and i love system!
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Now really ...
don't you read the rules before entering a contest? This is a contest for sonnets and villanelles. This is neither one. Please remove it and enter a sonnet or a villanelle.
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Although I do not, as a rule, enjoy these one sided pieces I must confess this has something to be said for it.
I don't know if it was just your opening stanza which gripped me (the repetition as closing stanza worked by the way) or perhaps the growing complexity of the lines. Maybe it was the hint of aliteration and the occasional internal rhyme but probably it was a little of everything that made me look at this for a second time.
There were a few flaws such as no where instead of nowhere in Line 15 or thought of you actually fitting an entire ipod in your ears (line 16) but overall this left a good impression.
Jim
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Anger, Mistrust
You left me
In the Dust
Brutal, intense, almost disgustingly honest...love it. High emotion, raw hatred, nails digging into skin. Excellent, excellent! -
i love the way you repete the opening lines in the end of the poem... i can realy relate. nice job!
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nice write, full of emotion. good flow and rythym. Thanks for taking the time to enter and good luck
Kathryn
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You are better then this person who left you in the dust. they aren't worth being your scar, but you should be theres. Beautiful poem
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I also love them. A lot of emotion in this, and it's deep. I can relate in some aspects. The rhyming was great and I enjoyed the ending, and also liked how it was repitive to the first stanza, well done and thanks for entering.
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