i've been walking around in this town for so long
without a destination
dark rain is running through the streets
beating the rhythm
for my song of loneliness
nobody is looking for me
no one calls my name
i'm yearning for a place
where i can dream
of a better world
"gib mir asyl, hier im paradies,
hier kann mir keiner was tun.
gib mir asyl, hier im paradies,
nur den moment, um mich auszuruhn."
Author notes
translation of the quoted verses from "Asyl im Paradies" by Tamara Danz (†1996), singer of the German band "Silly":
grant me sanctuary, here in paradise
no one can harm me here
grant me sanctuary, here in paradise
just a moment to rest
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work in progress (maybe)
I originally wrote this in German, if anyone's interested...
schon lange lauf ich durch die stadt
ohne ziel und ohne sinn
der schwarze regen rinnt durch die straßen
auf den dächern klopft er den takt
zu meinem lied der einsamkeit
niemand sucht nach mir
niemand ruft meinen namen
ich sehne mich nach einem platz
an dem ich in ruhe träumen kann
von einer besseren welt
A contest entry
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Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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dark rain is running through the streets
beating the rhythm
for my song of loneliness...
this is a good piece. the last stanza is engaging since there was a time when I've become obsessed with the language. thanks for sharing
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21.02 / 25
Perhaps one of the loveliest poems I have ever had the pleasure of reading by you! -
Very nicely done, I like the German at the end. I don't know that band. But I'm not in Germany either.
Thank you so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest... Scott
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If you mean the rain is beating a rhythm, then you might want to consider using it's, not he's. We don't add genders to nouns in English, though now, after living in German, I do sometimes or am at least tempted to. I'm not sure this is a grammatical mistake on your part or not though. It just strikes me oddly to see it. I might consider even omitting the "he's" altogether and just have the line go from streets to beating. Hmm... I don't know this German band "Silly" - I will have to youtube them... Good job on translating your work here - excellent! Wow, you are amazing with that skill.
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"Silly" is a really amazing band, you should listen to their songs, especially the ones with Tamara Danz (my dad was fortunate enough to meet her once when she was still alive...). They have a new singer now, Anna Loos, an actress I think.
I used "he" instead of "it" as a personification, I just thought it might work that way. But I think you're right. Omitting the "he's" would be even better. Thank you!
I usually write my poems in English and then translate them into German, which is just as difficult sometimes.
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I'm not sure which version I like better...
Reading the heading I thought, woohoo, hello Silly!
(Great name for a band, btw) You know I like them, I kind of brought their music to you, didn't I? Asyl im Paradies is one of my favorite songs by them, and you picked up the topic really well. You can never become as good as Silly I think, but no one can. But you did a good job.
Someday, you will hopefully find your place. Until then we are here for you.
Jo
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wow, i like how you have also included a german translation. i really love the voice of your poem, like someone is speaking out loud. thanks for entering and good luck
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