Dough in your hands
you try to mold me
and i, loving you as i do
struggle to conform
I'm dough in your hands
as you knead me, bruise me
knot your fingers and your brain as you
try to create a masterpiece
But neither of us knows the recipe
Perhaps I'd make a glorious muffin,
yet you struggle so hard to make bread.
So i s t r e t c h,
burning, aching to please you...
then melt back to my previous unkempt batter
My love, wont you please try lemon poppyseed?
Author notes
Right now i am trying to be what everyone else wants and im ending up feeling like a whole lot of nothing
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wonderful
Very creative and so well expressed. A terrific creation for the theme. Best of luck in the contest.
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I am amazed that I have not thought of this idea before. I pride myself on coming up with these things that are just like this. You stole one from and I am so proud of you. There is the universal wish for acceptance and the struggle to try to find it. You are not finished yet and I'm not sure if you are a muffin or bread. Perhaps you are niether. However lemon poppysedd will probably work fine with what ever comes out of the oven my friend. RC
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I find myself in the same situation: trying to please everyone and never myself. This poem speaks out in an unconventional way. I like how you made your situation into a seemingly light hearted dough.
I hope you are able to break out from the conformity and be true to yourself.
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Amazing
The symbolism represented in this poem is astounding. I can't even start to imagine the creativity and emotion needed to word this just so. Believe me, I've tried to write stuff like this before, but I can never manage to get the words just right. I especially like the 1st and 2nd stanzas, in which the symbolism is the strongest, but i also like how the uniformity of the poem as a whole seems to unravel slightly with each line. Overall, a very good write.
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Oh. This is an interesting poem that you have penned in here.
I was reading your author notes and I could see where you could get inspired like that. And you're right. It can be too easy to want to conform to what someone else wants. Especially when you love them. I mean you want to make them happy but sometimes what you are just doesn't seem to be enough. I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself.
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This is so good! Trying to always please others is no good. I definitely know from experience as well. Just be who you are. Remember this...The ones who matter, don't mind...and the ones who mind, don't matter.
Keep it up! This is really good. Hope to read more like it!
The One and Only...
~Lynn Jones
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well written.
your feelings are expressed so well in this piece. wonderful metaphors. =)
hope you don't feel like nothing again.
pleasing people gets no one anywhere, I think- in fact, that is the one thing I always try not to do! hope you feel much better
I'm glad you liked the poem..I love that verse too
lovely piece.
much lucks,
checkmate
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This is perfect, it relates your feelings perfectly to the reader. I like the reference to dough, and kneading. By the way, I love lemon poppyseed!
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sometimes its possible that in the process of pleasing someone that you care about... you end up losing your own self.......this is where the person who you are trying to please should realize what is happening and try to make amends....or else...a life in hiding is a life never lived.....really good poem
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wow, i can identify with this perfectly, im in the same place myself at the moment. this is remarkably well written and perfectly portrays the feeling of reeeeally wanting to please someone, even knowing youll loose yourself in the process. im glad i came across this, thanks for a thought provoking read.
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