There is a girl with angel wings.
She never tires , never screams.
She's always good enough for you,
prim and proper knows how to do
all the things that you adore,
oh yes all of that and more.
There is a girl with angel wings.
Wish I could reach inside and find
just how to make myself alligned
with all the things that she would do
that I could be all that for you.
But as it happens I'm just me.
Author notes
I think this goes in the darkness/depression category.
From my perspective, I see that teens often feel like people (especially their parents), are trying to mold them into something they aren't, or feel that perfection is expected of them
A contest entry
- An outside view of youth by Suicide Hotline.
525 points, ended June 12, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Nice write with this one. Think it hits the nail on the head.
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How you have touched on a very real problem of teens with somewhat perfectionist controlling plans for their young adults. I could see it also as a teen that felt insecure with herself in comparison to others, or for her boyfriend. Just short enough to get to the point, and make a poignant message. A wonderful write!
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Obviously you hve touched some hearts here. I am proud to know you as a friend and have the opportunity to read your thoughts and how you compose them. The author's notes brought deeper insight into this write. I loved it either way, but want you to know that adults experince the same longing for acceptance whether it be from a family member, a friend, a child, a parent, or anyone who means something to them. The longing for acceptance is universal, and there is no need to box this piece into just teenagers. You have a gift for telling about peoples souls regardless of age. It is depressing when we don't live up to otheres expectations but there is always the sun shining on who we are as people without others influence. Good luck in the contest my friend. RC
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awsome awsome
so who cares if some one else is better then you you'll find that inner beauty is wat will get you the guy you want and i mean it in time you will find that right guy
perfection is well yes expected but just try your best on just being yourself and that's wat will make your glory go high and mighty just be yourself
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The briefness of the poem versus the message it's sending is almost consequential to itself. However in your few (by relation to may other poems) words, you did an excellent job. In particular, the image of the "angel" is well defined. Very good.
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I liked your poem. It is important to just be yourself.
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One of the writes with the mention of angel wings which I find great to read, indeed!
I guess, I could agree with you that teens like us are being mold to something they aren't but somewhere along the way, we could mold ourselves, perhaps? ^^'
Anyway, great write; quite thought-provoking
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I loved this. my favorite lines were 3,4 and 5 in the second paragraph. I do thing the last tine could use work, but i do like the bluntless and tone. you know, the "as it happens" - keep that quality.
but other than that, great!
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Yes, I agree this is a dark write, but you did a wonderful job with it.
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Wow... I really liked the rhymes in this... they worked very well. I wouldn't be surprised if this became a song, lol!
The message in your author notes definitely came across. well done! -
this is intense for me, your are extreamly write, my parents always try to make me perfeect but i cant be. they need to understand that
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
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