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Just Another Breath(Did You Save Me?)



The liquors burning brides,

but only for a while -

and the task of pina colada

wont take me very far.
The moment that the lights

faded into null;

I cried such silent tears

yet nothing was ever heard.

The club's full of bodies-

none of them that I know.

The music's blarring loudly

and the world is going by,

as if nobody knows.

Outside, a ladies crying -

laying bloody on the floor.

Does anyone realise,

when the drinks are coming in?

The cinema is crowded,

such a sensational film to see

and the lights dim slowly,

the film begins.

Behind, their is a whimper

a hand over someone's mouth;

but did anybody notice,

when Jim Carey stars?

I never needed your help before

when I was crying in the night.

When I shouted out your name,

I was just a voice in the crowd.

So now you say you're here for me,

well now it is too late;

I am the only one I can trust,

in this world so full of hate.

Author notes

20. "Sometimes you must survive on just the air you breathe." -- "Still Believe in You" by Army of Me.

In a list

A contest entry

♥ Poetry is from the heart. Did I hit yours? ♥

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Comments


  • nilav
    July 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ...but the sound of the silent tears is piercing..the plight of many souls bleeding in your words

  • OhNoChastity
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this poem. I like where you went with the prompt, although I really didn 't see it until the end, the ending showed me how everything really did apply to the prompt. It was a wonderful build up with a good ending, and the nihilistic point of view is greatly described.

    I enjoyed reading about the smut in life, so to speak, the negative aspects of society, the dirtier parts. I found each scene interesting and different, and the descriptions intrigued me. Good job there. I also really liked that you used something aside from commas. I love it when people use different punctuation marks in their poetry, like hyphen, the semi-colon. It's creative, and intriguing.

    As for suggestions, I think everything is really well done aside from the layout. It's very simple, bland. It could work for the poem, and this could be on purpose, the blocks of writing, but maybe it would be better center formatted? I leave that up to you to decide, however. This is a suggestion.

    Thank you for entering my contest. I really enjoyed this poem and I truly hope to read more by you soon.

    Keep writing!

    -Jen


  • And Hyetal
    June 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful, beautiful write here.