your uninformed, uniform, arrogance
stands higher than the measure
of my hands, there is no need
for me to finger tap or slap
either of its faces.
it's awash, afloat, in the see-see
spray that doesn't smell
of the promise handed back
dressed as any man's mistake.
the body of the matter
is seventy five percent water
and the tide is rising,
yet nothing, nothing is swell.
my backbone is bamboo,
breathing my nature's way,
when we are both naked
given back to the soil
all that mattered
will remain as matter.
A contest entry
- - by houseandcloud.
400 points, ended June 14, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Here Here
Very obtuse, the way you expand the body into an analogy is very clever. I say, well done.
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Thankyou very much
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finger tap and slap?
you're talking guitar
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by crikey
ace, really ace.
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I liked the wordplay in the beginning, but the wordplay at the end was too much, I thought. Like you were trying to hard, y'know? I really liked the first two lines of the third stanza. Thanks for entering.
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great job!
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The only thing I'd say about this is that the stanzas don't really seem to connect, I mean the metaphor is consistant through out, but the stanzas just seem a little distant from each other.
Still a great write my friend.
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You write with such skill and assurance that it is a pleasure to read anything penned by you. The last two lines said it all. Excellent!
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Well...somebody forgot to take their "happy pill" this morning!
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"your uninformed, uniform, arrogance
stands higher than the measure
of my hands, there is no need
for me to finger tap or slap
either of it's faces"
This sounds so much like it's aimed at someone i know that i laughed. you are so clever!
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The wit and intelligence shown in this poem is remarkable--excellent work!
Bill
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teeth in...
nice play on words and themes, or is it a play at all? sag gender rendevouz symphony - the music that stirs the soul, often unwinds the flesh. back to the shore for a little more...
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this is full of so many skillfully written poetic devices - very well done Always a pleasure to read you
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- loved the dark wit of this. So many clever twists of language throughout.
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In death we all become equal regardless of how important we consider accomplishments fame or glory. In the end all of that doesn't "matter" Very thoughtful and deep subject..
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What a stunning poem, and as always your ability and skill at word play is amazing. I loved how this poem moved from the rigid (the images of uniform, arrogance) to the gentle swaying of a bamboo at the end, which is of course "your nature's way", poetess.
Simply stunning poetry. The 3rd stanza brought a wry smile to my face. So well said!!
~ Nicolette
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A stunning ending. The prior is very nicely written - a keen and steady flow with a knowledge of language used.
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