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Scorpion Feet Lucky Rabbit

Missing image
High desert love triangle,
will you fruit tree?
Can you spot me glacier & wind gusts.
Mountain meadows over dull yellow dunes
Too soons, goodbyes, rifle in each corner.

Turkish coffee
Wearing my ruana
Devil's tongue chile
Mouthfuls of honey
& mango preserves.

Even the dog knows better
Than to nose poke a scorpion,
but you see, there is a brittle brown
piece of plywood 30 yards from the front
porch. Underneath it is a decomposing
rabbit, and a fat see through scorpion.
Poisonous with barbed kisses.
Just full of babies.

Gets heeled before its time.
Who said rabbit's feet
were lucky?

Author notes


Written December 28th, 2003

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • horus8 gold member
    November 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah.

  • stenise22
    November 24, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting, it has a confusing buzz to it, but once its broken into stanzas at time, I like it...its crazy cool. Anyway awesome painting, and it is your work, yeah?

  • TheAutumnWalker
    November 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    bravo! very clever peice. i love the obscurity the language in it brings, and the warped perspecitve of it. you use such vivid vocabulary, and that alone i must admire. beautiful picture, also. anyway, i hope that i have gotten the point across that i LOVE this peice. good luck!


  • May 8, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    yah, this is the good stuff. Feels foriegn and plump with peril.


  • greenewhiplash
    May 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written!
    Great job!
    Very unique and it shows great talent in your words.
    Pressed for time here, so I'll leave it ad great job and good luck!
    make sure to comment on other entries!
    -z-


  • Impetuous
    February 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Your opening stanza was ornate, wonderful symbolism and creative imagery throughout-. I also liked how there is that sense of the irony in nature that comes across in the body of the poem . Your painting compliments your poem splendidly. Thankyou for entering -Lola


  • Judas Denied
    December 29, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    In the last line of the first stanza "to" should be "toO" and "then" in the second line of the third stanza should be "thAn". Just thought you may like to know since you strike me as the type to take great pride in his writing and wording. If I have offended you, I apologize.

    Now, the poem:

    My favorite of yours thus far. Such succinct and vicious imagery. A very natural feel that seems to say "survival of the fittest" to me. The imagery is amazing, it paints such a livid picture ripe with observation and depth. Impressed I am.
    Edited on Dec 29, 10:13 p.m. because 'Stupid fingernails'.

  • horus8 gold member
    December 29, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, I've found painting is a great way to get plum off on a tangent. When I start painting? People pack up and go to the shore while I work.


  • Naughtygrlred
    December 29, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    i love it


  • myrataal silver member
    December 28, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    AH! And the painting is simply a marvel of the Cosmic Spider ... Loved that.

  • myrataal silver member
    December 28, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    Whaddayathink?

    You have this devilish habit of preparing a dish of deli-poison, dearest Poet ... Ah! I thought ... a wonderful poem, creative in its surreal display of Creation ... tactile and layered. Perhaps the triangle in the entrance line should have warned me about the deadly sting in the tail?

    Brilliant, Horus8Jeremi

    Myra

1 - 11 of 11