Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Preacher's Boy

His lankiness
and lopsidedness
tilted my head,
made me dizzy and sweaty
when he grinned over
his hands folded
in prayer

- goddamn!
in church even!

licking his lips
in the middle of
a righteous
“AMEN!”

forfeiting his passage
to the pearly gates,
compromising
mine,
his dark eyes
replayed the night before

in case I had
forgotten


when he,
the preacher’s boy,
tweaked
and suckled,
shooed the angels
right out of my head

 

swearing into sweet grass
he had never had
anything so good -

the choir stood
we stood,
baby lambs in white
glistening

in the light of Tiffany glass.

Author notes

Prompt: THIS by Rebecca Lu Kieman - 100 words or so

99 words written

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27
  • A Prophet of 3 gold member
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really think you didn't need to drag this out as long as you did ... it is well written, but tends to leave a reader fast-skipping through the middle to get to the more important parts, the main idea ...

    its a good write ... but sometimes lesser is better ... we all can get the rest ...


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this Lane, a really nice take on the contest theme... there is something about things considered taboo and this would qualify as one of those instances...lol

    I do agree with Stacy's (monimac) careful eye and that would be an effective edit....


    great entry here, thanks


    al


  • J.J. Sass
    June 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this piece. It's so honest and dishonest all at the same time.

    "when he,
    the preacher’s boy,
    tweaked..."

    I don't think you need "the preacher's boy" as the title of the poem already informs us of whom you are speaking.

    Best wishes in the contest,
    Stacy

  • Gupse
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, my!

    I can see his face.
    Ugh-makes me think of Uriah Heep- Charles Dickens' character.


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i was a baptist- before i recovered...and i surely can relate to this...lol. i love your 'shooed the angels' line especially. I always enjoy your work.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    June 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yep

    The only good use for church buildings.


    • Dalaney gold member
      June 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Mark...

      ha! this comment made me laugh out loud. Thank you Love, Lane


  • delightfulmess silver member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOL What a wonderful story Really enjoyed this one.

    Especially the seventh stanza.
    Great job.


    Delila


  • Amera gold member
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So you're the one that corrupted the preacher's kid. You certainly painted a vivid picture of an angel that will never make it.

    Love,
    Amera


  • HaleyMary
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the sensual feel of this piece. Wonderful imagery, too. And, the parts of the choir and the preacher's boy gave the poem a naughty feeling to it, like how looked down upon it would seem as taking place in a church. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.


  • nordicsky silver member
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Some people would make a feature film or write a novel to tell this sweet tale but you do it in ninety-nine words. I think guilty pleasures are the best.

    Thanks for posting this it made me smile.
    Love, Peter


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How come Preachers sons and daughters are always the worst!!!

    Met a few in my time.. kinda like the Catholic School Girl!

    Fabulous tale... I wanted it to keep going


  • JohnnyD gold member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Smiling.....
    very, very well done as always-
    ...but the reason I am smiling is-

    I could do one of-
    a Southern Baptist-
    minister's daughter
    in Texas-
    many, many years back-

    before ~ grass ~



    Len


  • moluv10
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a story here! i can picture this happening. I enjoyed reading this. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well actually, not many people know that I am actually a preacher... actually.

    This is well written, and sexy. I will not pick on any particular passage, because it is all good. Last verse (whatever) very good as ever.


  • breedluv gold member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Uh.....Laney.......you did know I'm a preacher's son, right? This one hit pretty close to some of my "adventures".


  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Terrific story telling, enticing and decidedly tasty. As always yor word choice is exciting and your poetry makes me want to write.


    • Cannonsfire
      June 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol Oh I think it makes you wanna do other things apart from write hehehe


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A complete story in just 99 words, I guess I'll just have to keep reading you to find out how it's done.
    This one bought a smile to my face...well done.

    All the best in the contest...

    Love
    Sue


  • Avendesora Dreamer
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *wipes chin* wow that was...well, i dont know the words but it made me drool...ill never be able to look at church the same way again, haha

    good luck in the contest!


  • EvilKate
    June 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *sigh*


  • Peteskid gold member
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    something about prayer...hmmm i remember a show tune from Golden Boy ..something about sinners on Sat night gettin what the good folks pray for on Sunday...oh well guess ya had to be there...well done ...PK


  • KayJay
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    AMEN, Sister! Wonderfully told tale with just enough spice to make it warm here... Well done, Lane!
    Ken


  • Pure Thought silver member
    June 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well at least you both made it to church. This one brings back some warm... ok,ok HOT memories.

  • Cannonsfire
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    And they say all boys who go to church are saintly lol I think not! Love, C

1 - 27 of 27