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Choked

Trembling so bad, my anger shakes the railing
Gasping so fast, the air is leaving me
Hurting so bad, but it is unavailing
Running so hard, my sight is failing me


Choking so bad, my throat begins a throbbing

Clenching so hard, my hands are turning white

Tearing so bad, that I begin a sobbing

Fleeing so fast, I'm even over fright

 

Churning so bad, the paper turns to pieces

Bolting so fast, the world begins to spin

Crying so bad, my understanding ceases

Aching so hard, and wailing deep within.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Sick Sunshine
    August 29, 2008

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    so much pain...

    you wrote this poem with a heavy, angry heart...
    wretched feelings and angst.... just so twisted and sad..
    what inspired you?


  • bruntbeauty
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem was okay-ish. I think you should expand your vocabulary because it was a bother reading so many "hard", "bad", and "fasts".

  • zammy
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow i love the emotion you display here...along with the repetition of 'bad' 'hard' and 'fast'...it really hits home! you seem like a perfectionist...awesome work!!!!


  • jossiemarie
    July 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i notice that you have a gold already and so unfortuantly i have to remove you from the contest, but thank you for taking the time to enter and best of luck in the future.


    • AnonymousXO
      July 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      OH I thought it was a gold for that specific poem..*sheepish look* my apologies. I didnt mean to like... i dont know. oops

  • jossiemarie
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very expressive, i'm shocked and hoping this is not something you ever had to go through, best of luck hun (((((((((hugs)))))))))


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    This was really good and no need for improvements because this was just great. Its very well written and i liked it alot. My favorite part is when you said "Tearing so bad, that I begin a sobbing" that was worded so good. Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • xxhoopstar21xx
    June 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    awesome!!!

    there is no need for improvment!!! this flows well and is very good! you kno u really have a way with words . u just say them and find words and peice them together like a puzzle. its amazing!! you should enter this in a contest! i am sure it would win!!!

    SilverWolf
    Future AP Greeter


  • brightsmylesxx
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    YAY! This is awesomeness! The rhyme is amazing, it makes the poem flow very well. The poem is a bit repititious, this is not a bad thing, but after a while it gets a little boring because each line is basically the same thing. It still is a very good poem, and I am not trying to be critical, just giving some honest critique so you can make this awesome poem even better. Good job on this I think with each poem you write your talent at writing poetry increases. You have an awesome way with words and I think you should try writing non-rhyming poetry because sometimes you are able to express you emotions in such a deeper and more powerful way when you aren't restricted by rhyme. Not that rhyming poems are bad at all, yours are awesome. Anyway, this is a very good poem, dear sister! Three wonderful clappy dudes for you!

    ~ Bright Smyles

1 - 9 of 9