Time ended here
long long ago
where craggy points crawl
hunkered out to sea
where waves sweep ever
back and forth
over the deep gray sands
of thin canyon beaches
And here at the end
of living there glides
but the long lone cry
of a seagull
skimming the deepest pangs
of his own reflection
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience: [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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excellent
Hello Zahhar....excellent indeed.
Rahbar.
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Thank you, Sir.
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I'm feelin' you
sometimes when I find one of those quiet places / my spirit jumps to a creature of nature...& I can almost see and feel what they feel. Something similar to our neighbors, the indiginous Indian / before we stole his Spirit, polluted his sky & trampled his sacred sites.
. Rewarded 6
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Well, in a way, we're all indigenous Indians now. I posted something here a long time ago titled "Legacy", which tried to express this.
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this is the kind of poem I like to write "And here at the end/ of living there glides / but the long lone cry/ of a seagull" -- my favorite stanza. You captured the feeling of staring out to see. Beautiful.
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Aye yes these kinds of poems can be nice to work on. Meditative.
Thanks for stopping in!
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Well done use of line brakes and placement
simulating wave movement. Mostly I'm trying to recognize where this might be. From the imagery I would guess the coast of Oregon, however, the description sounds as if the area was formed by volcanic activity or a meteor strike given the "end of living". I disagree with another's comment about the combining of hunker and crawl. I think one must hunker down on the belly in order to crawl. At least that's how I proceed. For me the most evocative line and my favorite is; "a gull skimming the deepest pangs of
his own reflection". Such desolate loneliness is expressed in those lines. In all his world for all his time the only company he shall ever have is his own image. Maybe: eons ago, L2. Where hunkered craggy points crawled out to sea L3-4, grinding sand for over sand in L7. Return the favor? -
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Ah well now, let's see if I can do this. Okay, it's a wee spot called Jackass Creek, along the Lost Coast of Sinkyone National Forest, in Northern California.
Yes it was while watching the gull skim the waters that I found myself jotting down the first draft for this poem. Such lonesome figures there on the waves, wings almost touching the water in flight.
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great job
wow, that's full of imagery ^^ i love it. congrats.
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Glad you enjoyed!
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Very nice write, good poetic devises - alliteration, assonance, imagery. The indentation made me see the pattern of waves. The form is almost a sonnet, and very effective for this short piece. I hesitated on 'long long ago' somehow the repetition felt wrong, a bit cliched. I also stopped on the use together of 'crawl' and 'hunker'; can't do both. I liked the image of 'the end of living', it emphasised the desolation of the scene. Well done.
. Rewarded 8
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I tried a couple of alternatives to "long long ago" when I pieced this together, but none of them felt right, and I wanted to fill this poem with soft sounds, and simple words and repetitions--except in reference to the jagged points, which I felt could use some abruptness.
"crawl" and "hunkered" couldn't be done at once by a human, but maybe by a large lumbering creature. Picture a thunderhead over plains, which hunkers near the earth and crawls along. I got a similar impression from the way the points hunkered out and crawled into the sea. It was a fun experiment with words, either way.
Thanks for your thoughts, pania. Hope to hear from you again sometime.
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Oh yes very much so. I kept finding different things everytime i read. =D
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wow!
this was a beautiful piece! >.< i love the depth in your words! amazing!
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Glad you enjoyed. )
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WOW!!! i love this. I must have read it at least 10 times. really enjoyed this for real!
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Ooh cool! Did you find your interpretation of the poem changing-evolving as you reread?
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Great!
I liked the way you structured the stanzas, with every other line indented. It made the poem easier to follow by breaking things up a little bit. I was wondering if the alliteration you used was intentional. It really added a lot to this piece. I especially liked the pairing of "long" and "lone." Good word choice. -
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Aye, the alliteration there was intentional. Inspired by something Tennyson wrote, actually.
Glad you enjoyed!
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This was very well arranged. I thought of the earth, folding in within itself. A past that can not be escaped through the reflection.
Bravo!
Criss -
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Not escaped, and yet often ignored. Sometimes it seems to me that we are the reflection of our karma, and that karma is perpetuated by the actions of this reflection, which further changes its shape. We walk through a house of mirrors, and the mirrors reflect mind in a trillion trillion ways.
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very nice picture perfect
what caught my attention was the ocean
I love the ocean
I love the descriptions here and the sounds by the water that I can feel as I read
. Rewarded 4
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That was a nice short poem... well shorter then mine are usually... really good job... later..
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It felt at first like a glance at an album, with one picture bringing the author to memory lane. But visiting places is very much like glancing an album, right? There will always be places that would remind us important milestones or even painful lessons in our lives, as much as there are events that mark a particular era in our lifetime.
This one feels like a visit to where an era of life ended. I am curious if it was that era that was difficult, or if it was letting go. Maybe, both? The “long lone cry of a seagull skimming the deepest pangs of his own reflection,” also gives a sense he still finds himself in that part of his past.
This sounded sad. Yet, no amount of sad tone could hide the beauty of this picture and the brilliance of this poem. Gorgeous words. Stunning imagery.
I just hope that the seagull would realize that it is also time to end his skimming. It is time to fly. And I’m sure up there, he will see his true reflection in people whose lives he has inspired because of his daring.
. Rewarded 8
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This is a very interesting analogy. I liked how you put the seagull lonely cry in. Because I would agree he sees his reflection in the waters of the ocean below.
. Rewarded 4
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This reminds me of a glance behind...something i wrote i don't know when..
"And here at the end
of living there glides
but the long lone cry
of a seagull"
Now that I think about it the sound of seagulls is a lonely sound...it's beautiful but lonely.
"Time ended here
long long ago
where craggy points crawl
hunkered out to sea"
I am not sure I can get the image with the word hunkered...it throws me off a bit..
Kay Laon Anders
Great write of course...
. Rewarded 8
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Loved it. It has such a tremor of the primordial. I am very much into this theme. Bravo.
" skimming the deepest pangs
of his own reflection"
Gives an ambiance of melancholy to the existance of the thing. Does it suck to be a seagull?
Juxtaposes the essence of the eternal and transient.
. Rewarded 6
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