I stood over his grave feeling nothing,
knowing he was not there
as my brother broke down,
great sorrow pouring from his soul.
My father was not there in the ground;
he was in my heart and my memories.
I began to revert back to the years
my father ruled with a heavy hand.
My mother went flying across the room
as my dad's long stride followed her
his fist readying for another blow
to the side of her head
hoping to black the other eye.
I stood holding my sister's hand tightly
as her other arm snaked around my tiny shoulders.
I didn't know she was as frightened as I was,
but we were all praying that he would not kill our mother.
Oh, I did love you, Dad.
Just as many good memories fill my heart,
and I find them so precious and dear to me.
My relationship with you was different
from anyone else's;
I came to you and took interest in your life
instead of running and hiding when you came home.
I wonder how it must have hurt you to know
that your children hid from you each night.
As we sat together, just you and I,
and watched the news together,
I remember you asking my opinion.
Until then, no one really wanted to know
what I thought.
I recall the hugs you gave me every day
and how safe I felt in your arms.
I knew no one would ever hurt me
with you near.
I pray for you every day, Dad,
even though you've been gone all these years.
I don't think you went to Heaven,
and you're probably still working on getting there,
but I hope my prayers will draw you closer to God.
Author notes
My father was not always a nice man, but I always felt safe from outside harm. He died in 1976, just after my 19th birthday. I loved him very much, and I still miss him. I pray your father will turn around and see what a special son he has, but I also hope you see that you may need to turn to him first. Bless you both.
This wonderful background is from http://www.wallpapers.dgreetings.com/fathersday/index1.html
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very Sad Indeed!
Patty, As I read this, I got mainly ANGRY, and rightly so! Not trying to offend you, but the plain fact is that your father was a VERY WICKED MAN! Any man that does what he did towards your mother is nothing but a LOW LIFE SCUM BAG! I'm sorry if that hurts you, but men like him DISGUST ME! A man who beats a woman is A COWARD, and it is HE that should be beaten BAD! But, based on what you say here, he is getting a much MORE appropriate punishment, and that is HELL FIRE FOR EVER! Sorry to disappoint you, but if he didn't go to Heaven, there is NO HOPE for him eternally! We cannot pray for those who have died. There is absolutely no Biblical basis for that line of thought. Not trying to criticize you, just trying to HELP YOU!
There is only 2 places we can go after death, either Heaven or Hell! And contrary to what false religion teaches, there is no "second chance" (ie "purgatory",
"reincarnation", etc). "It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment." (Hebrews 9:27) If someone is not SAVED BY JESUS CHRIST before death, they will perish eternally! That's not a matter of "fairness", but JUSTICE! God is holy and therefore He MUST punish sin! He did so in the person of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. If we refuse to believe on Him and receive Him, we will remain CONDEMNED FOR EVER! And we will have NO ONE to blame but OURSELVES!
My grandfather was a child molestor (including with my sister!) and he died believing that he did NO WRONG! He went to Hell, and you know what? I'M GLAD! Because he didn't "get away with" what he did! That will NEVER happen in ANYONE'S case! We either get saved, or go to Hell! I would simply say to you, if you would receive healing and have peace about your father, you must take GOD'S PART AGAINST HIM and realize that He died in sin and is now in Hell! I hope and pray that you will come to grips with this, regardless of how bad it hurts! God bless you!
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Thank you for your honest comment. I am not insulted. I would like to believe that there is a place where those who are evil can get a chance to redeem. I want to think my father is one of those, but I suppose I'm fooling myself for the sake of a father I loved very much.
I have a family of hethens who will probably burn in hell, and I hope I have learned to live my life with Christ so that I will not follow in their footsteps. It is unfortunate when most will choose this worldly sin to a life in Heaven with our Father. Patricia
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One day when my husband was shouting at our little sons I asked him if he really wanted us to be afraid of him. No, he did not. People in the midst of strong emotions are not aware of how they appear - to tiny children, my sweetie transformed into a terrible giant. So it is, I understand how you can have gentle memories of your frightening father.
The graveside stanza relates feelings that many people have, either numbness, overwhelming grief, or confidence that the part that matters is not in the ground. You have said it in the way it occurred to you; others have had similar experiences.
Your style is personal and very touching.
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Thank you so much, Margaret, for your very kind comment on this very emotional piece. Sometimes we as parents must be reminded that our little ones are to be handled with love and care. I'm sure your terrible giant soon became the huggy bear.
To have an understanding ear when it comes to some of my more emotional pieces is always a blessing. Thank you.
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Thank you for using spell check. A major plus. But there are other errors which I feel I should mention because they are worded awkwardly, etc.
“ I remember your asking my opinion.
Until then, no one really wanted to know
what I was thinking about anything. “
- I remember “your” asking my opinion. Do you mean “you”? Seems strange the way it is.
“no one really wanted to know “what” I was thinking about anything” Do you mean “when” I was thinking?
I know the ending to you feels very important but I also feel like it tries to sum up everything nicely and sometimes I think a little mystery can do a poem justice. Maybe you could end the poem with the “closer to god” stanza, instead? I think that would be a great way to conclude the poem and also if you still wanted to use the other part you could add that in your authors notes or something. As that’s sort of the way the last bit feels, added only because you needed to finalize the moment. More for a closing note.
My critique here as a whole would be to try and show us more instead of tell us. I understand that this was a demanding topic in many ways and it would bring up a lot of feelings that sometimes need to pour out, but I also think that editing and trimming back stanza’s, not just for unneeded repetitions, But for length would greatly add to your poem.
Thank you so much for entering and if you decide to make any edits please feel free to IM me or kevin and we would be happy to return and take note of the changes.
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Thank you for your comment and critique on my poem. I have made some changes, but Kevin has made another suggestion. Would you please ask him about it and let me know. Patricia
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I have reread this poem and can't see anything else right now that you could change, etc. Personal preference allows us to take some suggestions and others not at all so, I think what you have chosen to do with our general opinions is good.
Again, Thanks so much patricia for the entry in our contest.
- J
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I like how you mentioned both the good and bad times about your dad and you actually gave real examples of that instead of saying ‘my dad was bad, my dad was good.’ So thank you for not boring me to tears. This was a very interesting poem. During the violent scenes I was reading with my mouth open and then when I got to the more positive parts, I was like ‘huh?’ Especially after saying your brothers and sisters would run and hide when your dad came home instead of you and then you said no one could hurt you when you father was close by. It’s interesting that you saw your dad as a protector when it seems like no one else in your family did. But that certainly brought you closer to him, and had a better relationship with him than the rest of your siblings probably. I felt that the beginning stanzas were a little cliché. The idea of a dead person not being there at their grave has been done way too many times. Thank you for entering.
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Thank you for your honest critique and for your taking the time to comment on all of my poem.
Dad had been gone for about 29 years before I ever visited his grave. I had lived so far away for most of my adult life, but my sisters and brothers had all gone many times. They all had their stories of how they could feel him there and how they cried their hearts out. I wondered why I didn't, and I felt guilty for it.
As I wrote this poem for you, and after it was completed, I pondered this greatly and believe I have found the answer.
I took interest in Dad while he was alive and gave him the love I felt for him. Perhaps they feel guilt for running from him and hiding as he and I watched the news. Maybe I didn't have to cry, because Dad and I still have a connection. I don't know about cliche, but I know how I felt.
I want to thank you for this opportunity to really tell my story. I probably would not have given it much thought without your contest. Good luck with your dad, and God bless you both. Patricia
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Well that background information you gave me about how your brothers and sisters felt your dad was there in the grave is quite interesting. You should add that to the poem and it'd make that idea less cliche
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Well, my father was certainly no angel while he was alive either but he took care of his family the best he knew how and for that I'll be forever grateful. Best of luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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awwwww... this is a wonderful poem gramma!!! You are a wonderful person!!! Great job on this one!!! Good luck in the contest!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
Wow,
So much said here, and I'm sure the contest holder will find inspiration from this piece. I pray. Thanks for sharing your wonderful soul. And I'm so sorry for your loss at such a young age.
Peace, Timothy
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Thanks, Timothy. I miss my dad very much, but I fortunately came to terms with his life many years ago. It was a difficult trip for me, but it was so worth it. I appreciate your prayer. Hugs, Patricia
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