It was graduation day
dressed in our caps and gowns;
Throwing up my cap catching his eye
We all say our good byes
tearful and happy
He came up to me
his sweet cologne teased my senses
Standing so I could hear his heartbeat but he did not touch
His face looking down to mine
Handing me a single rose
I grabbed it but a thorn pricked my finger;
He whisper deep and low
"I am going to medical school some guy is going to take you away from me
but he will never take away the memories."
Tears stung my eyes
my finger bled from the thorn
He walked away
all tall with his cap and gown
years went by
The contractions killed me as I stormed through the hospital doors
my hand in my husbands as we walked
there he was
as a contraction pained me to the bone
as I brushed by he whispered
" You are a decision I wish I made."
My husband asked,
"who is that?"
"an old friend from high school"
for a second the memories rushed back
then I went to the third floor
to have my baby.
Author notes
'bout my highschool sweetheart
mjlovestheatlantic- Mary Jo
A contest entry
- For those of you in love with your pre-writes :) by thepoetsings.
950 points, ended July 15, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me what you got...4 by Luckintheshadows.
470 points, ended September 3, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by MrCrepsley.
600 points, ended September 10, 2008, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Very lovely
Oh back in the day and the close friendships and loves of school how we often carry that scrap book within for life
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WOW. It's amazing how many thoughts and emotions can be crammed into so few lines. I love this, there's a wonderful time line, it's amazing how things come full circle. Thanks for sharing this, and taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
A few editorial suggestions:
- First and foremost, if you revised punctuation and added a bit in to delineate thoughts, I think this might read a bit easier.
- You keep switching verb tenses from line to line; just watch for consistency.
- line 5. Either "goodbyes" or "good-byes"
- line 24. "husband's" needs an apostrophe
- line 27. Just reads a bit awkwardly (personal opinion)
I really liked the narrative style and the simplicity of this poem. It worked rather well. I really loved "Tears stung my eyes / my finger bled from the thorn"; the image of tear-drops and blood-drops created was - for me - a really nice one. Thank you for entering!
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awww
so sweet -
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O my God. That is so deep and thought-provoking. Wow It sound like a novel and I think you could write a book on that. You really could!!!This poem was intense and had everything a write should contain.Love and pain and real feeling from the heart.Excellent write. It funny how life revolves and everything is a repeat cycle of itself.Great write.
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Thank you brother
I am not sure if there is enough substance for a book just two moments that fit in a circle of fate that happened in my life. I guess as we grow older we see why things happen in our lives we see the reasons for things some come to a close others are still open.
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Oh my...this is so emotional. wow...is there any more to the story you can tell me? I'd love to hear it. Awesome write.
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Holy moly.....this is such a strong write..It's even stronger that it runs a full circle! WOW! Very well done with imagery.
Mylee
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