Last few days before we walk to the river
I see so clear now
how truly beautiful you are.
The preacher told us that God chose this for us
and I know that is true.
Among the rubble of last minute choices
discarded changes of direction
heaped like old takeout containers
that seemed at first glance to hold a banquet of dreams,
He pointed us toward one another
and we stayed the course.
Poor tired hearts
ever rebounding and hoping, longing to love for real
today mine sings in joy and
harmonizes with the echoes from your soul.
What a good man you are.
Last few days before we walk to the river
and I already hear the breeze carry words of love.
Author notes
Star Shine
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrite Party Time _--enter anything--_ by wonderbandalice.
700 points, ended July 31, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Such a cute write. ^_^ I just attended my cousin's surprise engagement party last night
"Among the rubble of last minute choices
discarded changes of direction
heaped like old takeout containers
that seemed at first glance to hold a banquet of dreams,"
I like this part a lot. It's very unique and descriptive. I like the simile you used. :]
"Last few days before we walk to the river
and I already hear the breeze carry words of love."
Very cute ending. I like that you used the beginning phrase and twisted it into something just a tad different. :] Great job
-Lily♥
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Thanks Lily, obviously I am fond of this one too. Glad you like it.
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A little confusing at times, but overall it was alright.
flow ( 8/10 )
-subject ( 7/10 )
-fitting title ( 4/5 )
-word choice ( 3/5 )
-originality ( 7/10 )
-spelling and grammar ( 4/5 )
-how much I like it, basically. ( 2/5 )
Total - 35/50 OU 70% -
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Thanks for the comment. got married in June, that should help you see through the confusion.
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This is be4autiful
Oh friendships grow as does the lovely rose although it is adorned with thorns it means no harm so before your quick to judge tred softly and see true and friendships will be forever between me and you
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Good
Your mind set flows exigently onto the page and we can relate with you and where your words lead us. Beautiful words expressed with the heart of a poet. Your feelings come through strong and straight from the heart.
. Rewarded 4
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Group appreciation!
You have the ability to say in a few choice exquisite words, what others cannot express...very nicely composed with utmost care of the heart, and soft flow
Love and smiles
~Lilac
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WOW!!!!! What a great job you did on this one!! It touches ones heart deeply!! You did a great job on this one!!
Thanks for posting this in the Lionsloves Lair, or I would have missed it!!
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WELL DONE
What a sweet, magical piece you have so romantically penned here. Very, very nice!
POETDONTKNOWIT
WRITING IT HER WAY -
How romantic (sigh) Loved this piece.
"discarded changes of direction heaped like old takeout containers" That was really great
. Rewarded 4
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So cute! I enjoyed this write. Good job! Keep it up
I hope to read more like it!
The One and Only...
~Lynn Jones
. Rewarded 4
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Thank you Lynn! Glad you like it.
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