Taste Of Ashes

Such are the memories of the Daughter of the Moon:

"Oh speaker of words that dry before they touch the ground, oh how you made me see what my life never could let my eyes around!

When I tried to see myself as someone who rode away from the cities of suffocated crowds and into a lake only I knew, I always shot myself down for I never knew how to traverse the black roads.

But he could show me.He really had knowledge, I thought no one had.But he was pitiable when I first saw him, as he still is now.

All that he knew, all that he learnt, was a consolation.He never sought life, and life never sought him.What he knew he conquered from the highest peaks of solitude.

Even still, what he knew was of no use to him.Like a prophet the words he divulged to inspire others, inevitably turned on him with a force of a sharpened rapier.

Oh how his every word made me dream he was perfect!

I followed him wherever he wanted to go.I would have followed him wherever he went.Ah such blindness!
Ennui thine lust is insatiable!
...Wickedly I made images of him, but he soon disrobed himself of the veil I cloaked him in.

The more I saw of him, thought of him - in silence, mistress of Hell - I could more and mre see how willing he was to lose himself in anything.

He concluded I am to be his destiny.But on what grounds? He saw something in me which, in all his naivety, felt connected him to me in some rites of Heaven.For all his knowledge he had a narrow-minded view of the ways of life.He could not see - as I was later to see - we were worlds apart.

At the time when I wished I could constantly be by him, I was ready to lose myself in him, udner a sky that split beauty and wonder into patterns of illuminated magic.The waves softly climbed up to the white-lines of the shore, they were resigned to the early summer stillness.I was ready, but he did not come to me...oh and I beckoned!

I could never know, what held him back from me.But I was disappointed! Bitterly so.I was willing to give him more chances (half-heartedly) but then I began to see him for what he was.What made him great made him a beggar!

But oh Great Doubts cannot cease to pursue me! Despite his infantile desires, he remains my only outlet into the black, dreamed-of fields.And only they can ascend me beyond this philistine herd which has since childhood sought to tempt me into its perversities.

With him I could glimpse myself...victorious! But how can I, who have seen such luxuries and continue to see them daily, bring myself to his state of sterile nonchalance? And, would that be all so terrible...?

Indecisions plague me.So I shall put them aside and forget them for awhile as I bury myself and my mind into the full hours of life.Something he cannot do.

I will wait.So he must wait.Until one day we will ascend to a Heaven of our own making, or I watch him descend further into his Hell of Verses."

So speaks She with a taste of ashes.