FALLEN for you (theres NO other way of saying it)

truth be told.
i have fallen.
while i may have fell from grace long ago,
this fall seems to hurt more.
this fall seems to want to destroy me,
it seems to have control over me.
it somehow affects my every will;
inflicting my intentions.

while the secret is so carefully kept
it is starting fray at the seams,
soon it will come undone

i try so hard to push it aside
to concentrate on other things
but my mind always seems to stray;
to him.

i guess i shouldnt do this.
i shouldnt make myself so vunerable
but i guess it is enevitable.

who knew that i could feel this way.
who knew i was capable of my own self-destruction.

the big suprise?
i'v become addicted to this feeling.
do i feel invincible?
no, exactly the opposite.

its the strangest thing;
when im around you,
i feel like i belong,
like im wanted.

when i look into your eyes
i feel SOMETHING
its so different to the usual numbing feeling.

my blood hasnt spilled for atleast a fortnight.
and even stranger?-
i dont feel like taking it out on the blade.
i only think of your smile.
and its all ok.

as i sit and stare at the white computer screen,
i cant think of how to write this
no words can do justice to how i feel.
the lack of meanings that these poems do describe.

of so many sorrows i have written
but this feeling...
it doesnt feel right.
its as if i am in someone elses body
someone almost normal..
...someone...
...happy.


when i talk to you,
so many times i give you a piece of my heart,
it sits there waiting for you to smash it.
but instead you set it alight with a fire of hope.

all these messages...
they're not mixed anymore...
they are...
are...
they are real?

i dont want to interpret this wrong...
but it feels like there is something.

as walk out of class
im greeted by your smile.
as i walk,
you appear to follow.
how can this be?
it is unusal that you seem to be waiting this time
its so ironic.


i guess im trying to say,
im confused.
the secrets unfolding.
but i guess everyone already knew...
did you?...
do you?

you know my answer.
now i want yours.

im willing if you are.

because
truth be told,
i have fallen,
fallen for you.