Even though I’m with her,
I’m thinking of you.
Look at this,
The pain you put me through.
Look at these scars,
Theses scars are for you.
While she sleeps at night,
I feel the rue.
While I’m hugging her,
I see your face.
Look at all this,
All this disgrace.
Look at us,
Do you feel something too?
When you're with him,
Do you think what I do?
Do you think about us?
Do you even remember me?
Do you think of our dates,
The movies we used to see?
Do you remember our kiss?
How passionate it used to be?
Do you think about the nights?
They were special to me.
Do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you think of me as a lover?
Or as a onetime shrew?
Do you still feel the same about me?
Or was that all lies?
Do we still have something in common?
Or am I the only one that cries?
Author notes
option 5
I am not a guy. I am not gay. I'm a vigin. I've never felt this way or had a bad break-up like this.
A contest entry
- Lie to Me by Justin.
875 points, ended June 17, 2008, 22 entries
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Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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this is a great write, my favorite lines were "do you remember the nights?/ they were special to me."
i know that feeling, better than i wish i did, and you pinned it to paper in a very succinct fashion. my only advice or correction or whatever you want to call it is a simple typo, in the line "do you think of our dates?" the 'you' is missing. thanks for sharing it!
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lol, thanks, i find that funny
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Excellent
This was great!! Your rhyming was effortless which made the poem flow nicely. I really liked all the vivid imagery you put in here && how even though you've never been through something like that before, you were able to write about it so eloquently.
*Do you still feel the same about me?
Or was that all lies?
Do we still have something in common?
Or am I the only one that cries?*
I loved those 4 lines. They really struck a nerve in me. Very powerful!
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A short write full of in-depth questions to someone the persona loves where the persona wonders if there will be answers or will that loved one even answer those questions
Wow, quite thought-provoking, I must say
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heh heh. nice poem. i think it takes a true poet to act like they had had something happen to them, to make it seem true, when its not
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your notes! lol. "i am not a guy. I am not gay."
anyway, for not having been in this situation/position before, you captured that feeling of utter desperation, loneliness, and hurt. well done my lil devil!
*Rianna
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Wow... there was a lot of emotion in this. Let's see how many of your lies I can relate to..... hmmm... I AM a guy, I AM gay, I'm NOT a virgin, and I HAVE felt that way before. Wow... kinda creepy, eh?
On line 15, you used the wrong form of "your." Try swapping it for "you're."
I liked the repetitive format of this poem. For example, this was very powerful and spoke out to me:
"Look at these scars,
Theses scars are for you."
Thank you for sharing this very vivid and emotional piece. It was a great write. Thanks for the entry!
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THis is very emotional and very good. But, you have to let go and forget. I know it is hard, but there is someone else out there that will love you. The pain does go away in time and memories are hard to forget, but it will happen believe me. Been through it and I survived.
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I can totally relate to this poem. My fiance and I broke up, and these questions run through my mind constantly. I love how you can bring so much emotion, yet you've never been through this. That earns a lot of respect for you on my part. Some people xan't hit it on the nail unless they've gone through something. But you hit it on the nail and then some!
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Wow this was such a emotional poem, It was really really good. I have had a bad breakup like this but the pain goes away just very slowly.
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