i was
kicking pebbles around
you were
staring off at the sky
it was the summer i lost
all purpose
"wanna know something
interesting?"
you asked
"yes, indeed"
"i have a plastic
tooth"
"since when?"
"yesterday"
you hopped up and
walked away
came back four minutes
later
"i still have all
my teeth"
i said
"but you're afraid
of eternity"
Author notes
i've been reading a lot of Bukowski...
...as if that's a good explanation
name: AeroplaneOverTheSea
# of poems: 248
A contest entry
- Enter Whatever. by OurxBeginning.
300 points, ended June 7, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I like variety so I'm giving you lots of options! by the evil angel.
475 points, ended August 27, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
the lines end in awkward places. It disrupts the flow of the piece. Some of them use this to prove a point, but I see no point in it for this piece. the ending really makes no sense either. On the other hand, it makes the reader think. Thank you for entering it in my contest! It interests me. Leaves me wanting more... Good job
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Make sure you get what i want in your AN soon... :
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Hahah, this made me giggle with the tooth thing. I liked the ending, it was strong, and sums it up well. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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<3 loves it.
i miss you.
and i like the california poppies.
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