Today I stepped out into the air
For the first time in months
(Possibly years.)
I’m not sure what these scraps
Of paper are from, swirling around
My fingertips as I reach out to them;
I’m so curious.
They symbolize something, but
I’m so oblivious, I’m not sure I know what
Anything
Means to me right now.
I’m living shoved away inside
Myself, with only my memories
And present self.
[But those are even fading away now.]
And I keep scratching at the
Inside walls of my chest, trying to
Escape the prison.
But I built my skin up too tough
For my own good, I’m stuck
Within this calloused shelter.
(No wonder I hurt so bad inside.)
I screamed to see if
Anyone could hear me, or was
Willing to listen.
Funny, it seems that I still haven’t found
My prince charming. [haven’t you fucking figured it out yet? Fairy tales don’t come true.]
Scratch that, I haven’t found anyone
That will hold back my tears.
I know that nothing will ever change,
I’ll forever be stuck in this world,
The flowers in my interior (I grew them so long ago, I gave up even longer.)
Are withering, my invisible hands pressing
Them down
To the bottom of my heart.
[They won’t come back.]
I want to try again;
&& Water the corpses with my tears.
I play myself like a chess
Pawn,
Make the right moves and get closer to
The other side; [what constitutes “the other side?”]
One wrong move, a hasty decision,
And be captured by the other players.
It’s really too bad I’m playing against myself isn’t it?
Does that mean it’s a lose/lose situation?
How long has it been since I
Faked a
P a p e r c u t
And hid behind bracelets?
How long has it been since I
Forced the
S i l e n c e
Upon myself, letting it press me down
Into oblivion?
Fuck that, I don’t know how long,
But it sure feels like forever since
I promised I would stay
Clean.
I let that paper cut and silence press me
Down but instead of
Drifting
Towards reality, my
[Fucked up promise]
Held me down and now I wish I felt
It again.
(It? I’m not even sure. Anything to feel partially alive.)
I think about the times
When my pain eclipsed the sun
Every.single.day.
I imagine the set around me, getting ready
To perform in my pretty pink
Tutu and my
Ballet shoes.
[The show is about to start.]
As I step onto the stage, the lights begin to dim instead of brighten
And I collapse onto the hollow wooden
Floor.
Too bad they all thought it was part of the act.
[Where’s the audience?]
Author notes
I don't know...
fuck.
A contest entry
- Give me Pain by Devient.
575 points, ended June 17, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness.....whatever...as dark as you can make it PW allowed by XXxXBassMeisterxXxX.
366 points, ended July 2, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
---->Angst
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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"And I keep scratching at the
Inside walls of my chest, trying to
Escape the prison."
" think about the times
When my pain eclipsed the sun
Every.single.day."
" Fuck that, I don’t know how long,
But it sure feels like forever since
I promised I would stay
Clean."
All of these lines just captured the spirit so to say of cutting. what it is truly about and how it traps yhou in a whirlwind of pain. How once you star tyou can't stop. HOw you didn't use to think twice about cutting and now you are using every ounce of energy you have to save yourself from yourself. It was very emotionally empowering to read for me. It just spoke so true and close to my heart and hit home. Great write
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Wow, I really loved this piece, it is very deep.
"And I keep scratching at the
Inside walls of my chest, trying to
Escape the prison." Good lines, and i love teh part where you say its a lose/lose situation, i know how you feel with that. The last lines made it seem vry dep as well, so I have to ask, where did this inspiration come from? Simply amazing.
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my inspiration... wow I have so much...
well it kind of comes down to telling part of my life story.. lol
i cut, and I've been trying to stop... but since i stopped I feel like I'm trapped inside myself... like i can't feel and I'm oblivious to the world around me. and it hurts, even though I seem to can't feel any emotion... i know that's confusing... a lot of my poetry has been based around being an "ex" cutter... lately atleast.
thanks for the great comment.
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I really liked the last stanza.
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I loved all of the metaphor in this poem. I also loved the flow and the meaning behind this poem. Excellent write.
XXCrimsonRaineXX -
wow lots of deep meaning in this
i know what you mean about your pain eclipsing the sun, i too hate that feeling but still its a feeling i know all too well
excellent ending, it kept some room for questions
great job as always
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