I never know where she is. I t bothers mother more than it bothers me. i find it easier to live not knowing what she's doing. I guess life is easier to live with eyes closed. I would want to know, but i understand what that implies. I would have to lie to mommy. I am fed up with covering her tracks. The little sister should not be looking after her older sister. Shes 17 for gods sake. Im 15. Whatever. I am mommies little girl, i always will be. I am more sensitive towards her because of this, and after all the shit my sister used to put me through, i tend to be a little biased towards my mothers side. Three times i have had to let mother cry on my shoulder, my older sister unaware of what the hell she is doing to this family. Should i tell her? What would it accomplish any way. I try everything possible to prevent an argument. I wonder if it helps. I always wish it does, but who knows? My mother still grieves.
I try not to feel sorry for myself. I don't think i do feel that way. My sister once told me that she was tired of being treated like a child by me. I told her that i wouldnt treat her like i child, if only she would stop acting like one. I sounded so like a parent. Ugh. I dont want to be. I just...I can't...I don't know. Ever since i was little i was there for my mom. I remember being very little and hearing her cry in the kitchen. I walk over to ask if she's ok, and it was something about the bills if i remember right.
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