it
was
cold
& i remember saying "no."
praying for sepsis,
.......and crawling into my subconscious
............trying to somehow get lost there
you soiled me
in a smoky bedroom,
with the smell of
your [cliché] cologne
and the sounds
of my organs shredding
as a memento
i was the girl you
cast aside
tangled in the bed,
willing her lungs
to stop swelling,
knowing suffocation
would be less painful than this
that night
i counted the snowflakes through the window
along with the veins
on the insides of my eyelids
i wished you knew morse code
and understood the pleas
my fingertips dug into your back
while carving my helplessness
into a porcelain bullet
and clawed at the trigger
with arthritic fingers
- swallowed my screams
and found the pitiful strength
to force "enough"
through shattered vocal chords
and false hopes
with heavy eyelids
and tear stricken skin
i mastered the art of regression
curling underneath foreign covers
comforting myself
with my thumb between my teeth,
and a difficulty
swallowing the clots in my chest
you tore the wings from my back
like the waist of my jeans...
and it's not
a secret
.
.
.
anymore.
Author notes
i hope this is okay...
good luck with the contest, and if you need to talk feel free to send me a message.
In a list
A contest entry
- Traumatic Events - Rape by TheGangstress.
600 points, ended June 14, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your most very personal poetry♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
475 points, ended September 7, 2008, 64 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open up and give me emotion by Velvet Rose Petals.
1150 points, ended September 21, 2008, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
very personal. please be gentle.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I found you on Asa Rose's Red Door List.
This is really beautiful. I don't know what else I can say.
This stanza was my favourite part:
"i wished you knew morse code
and understood the pleas
my fingertips dug into your back
while carving my helplessness
into a porcelain bullet
and clawed at the trigger
with arthritic fingers"
-
Wow
This is a well crafted poem. My images I get is a girl falling in love and finding the man who she gives herself to wantingly but yet the little girle inside protests to her no no don't do it we wont be dadies little girl any more. Not listening you give yourself and having regret but knowing you steped over the threshold of love and graguated into womanhood, and the relm of heartach
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oh my god.. I am so sorry.. Very good imagery technique. It must have been really hard to write it out because i can only imagine it running through your mind again like you were back to that time..
Rose -
Oh.my.gawd. I can't even begin to EXPLAIN how well written this was. & I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. You have a wonderful talent with words & poetry, I hope you know that. This was written in a flawless matter, and with such vivid imagery, that makes the reader almost twinge. Such raw emotion lingers throughout every line.
-with heavy eyelids
and tear stricken skin
i mastered the art of regression
curling underneath foreign covers
comforting myself
with my thumb between my teeth,
and a difficulty
swallowing the clots in my chest
...
Wow. You left me in a complete awe with this piece. Especially those lines. Brilliantly written. I hope you're doing okay. Thanks for entering & best of luck to youuu♥ -
Evil.
Actually evil.
I'm loving the last stanza.
It's not a secret anymore- but that's a good thing becuase something like this only festers if left alone.
'I was the girl you cast aside'.
Not just the pain, but the utter worthlessness...
God.
-
-
Thank you so much for your comment. To be honest, I was a little afraid to post this on the site at first, but I am glad that I did, and I'm glad I've gotten the response that I have. Thank you again, and you're very right... the fact that it's out has helped me so much. At least now I'm not alone with it anymore.
♣
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I'm just going to say, you did an incredible job. This piece is outstanding. I've been close to women in this position, and I can't tell you how close I feel to that position right now. I am seeing more than I would like. You are so talented.
Andy
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You got REALLY close on the readable font/background rule, but since I really like the poem, I will let it slide.
Nice form, by the way, how some things are indented or have their own line. Adds an emphasis. It flowed pretty well, overall, and I did enjoy your word choice. Imagery seems to be a key aspect here, especially with this stanza
" i was the girl you
cast aside
tangled in the bed,
willing her lungs
to stop swelling,
knowing suffocation
would be less painful than this "
Thank you for entering my contest and following all the rules. I wish you the best of luck.
Adding your comment:
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