your voice sounds like soft skin
when you say things about him
bare whispers of thoughts spin
your voice sounds like soft skin
a warm breath to wrap in
the song of a seraphim
your voice sounds like soft skin
when you say things about him
A contest entry
- Soft Skin by Mari Goes.
850 points, ended June 9, 2008, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I love the tone you used for this... it's so soft, so soothing and romantic... like a whisper that blows over the skin, kind of tickling. It's simply beautiful!
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The tone is beautiful. IT is soft and whispering like a romantic embrace. So few words here say volumes about love. The repetition of lines is very effective here too.
A very sensual write in a gentle and subtle way. ~ Joyce
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The warm breath
melting the page;
the reader, hearing
unsaid words,
the song of the soul.
Perfect!
Aesthete
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Your poem has a soft rhythm, which is so appropriate to this contest's theme. A voice of someone in love does have a special sound, like softening all the words.
Format helped the visual too
Lovely! Thanks for this read.
Mari
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What I really like about the poem is it's tone. You could just mouth the words inaudibly and it would still be intriguing because the poem's tone is so good. The first couplet is a good example. The first line just flows into the second. I'm not sure how logical the first line is but it doesn't even matter much to me because I'm swept up with that flow.
"...when you say things about him"
I think that's a great second line, a great recurring line.
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agree on the logic of line one but ...
as you noted, it sounds nice. Thanks so much for your lovely commentary.
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Very lovely dear! I enjoyed this!
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thank you kindly sir...
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Beautifully written. The couplet idea to write a triolet really worked.
John
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thanks for stopping by...
I appreciate your comments. P.
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Nicely done.
Written in angelic song.
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thanks...it's a Triolet, interesting form
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