Forsakenly barren, the world burns around me,
pyretic tears freefall from sore eyes,
turning to dust on cold shoulders,
hysterical lament in screams, I can't bear...
Perpetual darkness bears cruel devastation,
grey skies cover the earth in ash,
forever consuming, it never sleeps,
time abandons the traditional hourglass.
In resonance, the rocks call out their creator,
mountains crumble as if made of sand,
heaven has fallen and with it came light,
and, behold.... the promise land.
A contest entry
- Dark and Evil by skull8686.
600 points, ended June 5, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Awesome! You're so good! Can I add you on my Ap family?
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This is lovely, and I can see why you won the gold. On the other hand, what really turns me off are the spelling and grammar mistakes [ie: "histerical" should be "hysterical", and 'promise' in the last line should be 'promised']. Other than that, though, it was a beautiful poem, and a spot in the finals could definitely be yours if you fine-tune it a tad. Thanks for entering!
Laura
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Don't add anything!
This length is perfect. It's short and sweet and punchier than it would be if diluted by excess length.
You use words like paint on a canvas, it's terrific. Except 'hysterical' is spelled with a 'y'.
Good luck!
Josie -
this is very good
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Sweet
I think that poem was awesome! You're pretty talented. Goodluck and thanks for entering. -
Looking good so far
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