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Just one more death?

Missing image
But why did they let him speak?
On the scaffold the day he was hanged
Was the rule of the Fascists so weak
To let such a crowd be harangued?
I stand for Freedom and for right
Against the fascists and the rest
So come to join us in the fight
All Yugoslavs must pass this test

A Croat can't talk to a Serb?
They'd never believe what he says
Did they think that he wouldn't perturb
The sway that they held in those days
We have to fight for home and life
A thousand years we were suppressed
Now Tito leads us through our strife
It's Partisans against the rest
The crowd heard the words that he said
This Croat their leaders condemned
His words would live after he's dead
This orator should have been stemmed
Now I must die so we go free
My death is only one protest
All come and fight for liberty
So Yugoslavs can't be suppressed

They hanged him before he was due
But his words were alive in the crowd
Though directly were heard by so few
The echoes were long-lived and loud
The Partisans would win their war
So Southern Slavs survived that test
A scaffold speech none could ignore
Was more than just a lone protest

Author notes

Still being worked on and notes and picture to come

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • DiamondPenSociety
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    We love this poem and your execution of the form. This poem is beautiful and we like to recognize beautifully penned poetry that has not won contests.



  • Mairi bheag gold member
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A dead give-away - I ken fine who this is! So I'll say "not bad".

    Actually, it's a damn fine piece of writing. I like the idea of the commentary interspersed with the imagined oration of SF.


  • deercatcher
    June 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Looking at the indignant simian's assessment, the word 'request' would solve the tension


    • cricketjeff gold member
      June 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      If you look at the rhymes within the dead man's speech you will see there is a repeat pattern. I intend to rework it slightly after the end of the contest.


  • Sagerider
    June 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great write.

    This really tells a tale, great rhyme and meter. I really enjoyed the read.


  • Amera gold member
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful and a splended take on the prompt. Your meter is on target (for an Englishman) and your rhyme is good.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful job.
    Impressed actually didnt see this one coming.

    Love
    Passions


  • One Angry Monkey
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    intertesting poem jeff, and good to se you useing an enjamont, feels good doesn't it.

    if you have the time and enthusiasm you could tinker with the final line, using "protest" at the end forces the reader to bash through the natural stresses fo the word, which makes it a bit awkward.

1 - 8 of 8