autumn glance

I remember the memory
of childhood-
not as a place but a distance,

one that seems closer

though somehow more vague,

a blur beneath my focus,

so close that the detail falters.

Everything flutters, the mind blinks
and I am removed from the narrative.

Only the stranger remains,
a snapshot of sepia days, an unmade
photograph.

The camera cradles the eye
and two pictures are woven-

one to come with us,
the other to stay behind.

Which of these am I?

Author notes

Word Count: 81

Edits: 3

In a list

Silver Shiny Things • next in list

A contest entry

passing seasons by Nicolette. 2000 points, ended June 27, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

Comments

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Nicolette
June 26

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I see you've done some editing since i first read this poem, Kate - and you've done well!

I like how the title links with the line "everything flutters"..a sense of falling in sepia colours. Loved the question you ask here and the stanza leading up to the question... I think both of them stays in some way or other. A very thought-provoking piece that carries your very creative touch - wonderful and meaningful poetry. Do you ever write a bad poem??? I liked this - thank you for your entry.

~ Nicolette
Ithica
June 5
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This is surreal... But I know how this feels, exactly!!! A very nice write!!
Faithbound
June 4
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apples fell
June 4

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This reminds me of a poem I wrote years ago. Don't have it posted but it does bring me back. I'll have to go read that piece, if I can remember the title. Usually I hate questions asked to the audience that we can't answer but I think in this case it adds strength to the end and really is for thoughtful consideration not an absolute answer. The fifth little stanza is my favorite part. Critique: "a vague view pressed to a blur beneath my focus", I found this to be worded strange. Think it's the continuation from blur to beneath. That's the extent of my nit-pick.

Good stuff kate.

;
- EvilKate
  June 4
  
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  Yeah. Spot on and thanks. I've done a few edits to try and sort it. That area was niggling at me from the moment it was inked.
- - apples fell
    June 4
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    Oh yes. Much better. And now it's almost perfect... Is that possible in poetry? Well you have come damn close if not.