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Invisible

Missing image

Of all the pain, in all the world,

That tramples upon my soul.

Are the silent cries of the invisible,

living inhuman roles.

 

 

Their eyes are empty filled with lies,

victims of the earth.

Accusers coldly pass them by,

Stares show them their worth.

 

 

Looked upon as less than,

As their story goes untold.

Beneath societies standards,

For what price are they being sold.

 

 

Judge and jury self righteous,

condemning without a thought.

In the land of the free,

where equality is taught.

 

 

Where is the justice in a world,

Where we don't take care of our own.

When we climb the golden ladder,

and the weak are left alone.

 

 

Whose children are they in the streets,

Who are not worthy of our care.

When all we have to offer them,

is a hateful judging stare.

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 20, 2008
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    This is wonderful. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.


    whisper


  • RainbowGirl257
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    another great emotional poem with excellent rhyming. my favourite stanza has to be the third one. you've written a great poem on such a moving subject. thanks for entering and good luck.


  • SilverWolf
    June 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow that is cool!


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    June 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Before I forget where I found it

    In line 8, the word "their" doesnt quite fit. It feels a bit awkward like it should be "Stares show them their worth" or "Stares show them what they're worth" Not sure which you intended.

    With that out of the way, I loved the poem. You clearly point out one of the social ills of our time. Thanks for entering.


  • A-Daisy-Among-Roses
    June 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love what you are saying, it is so completely true. Your style and rhyme is impeccable. This is very very very good.


  • Shades of Pale silver member
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    GOOD JOB WOOT WOOT

    love it you just might win good luck in my contest


  • Florida Sunshine
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful presentation!

    I honestly don't think the picture is necessary, your words reflect exactly what you mean.

    Sadly so true, so many people walk through life looking the other way. We shun our children from having to view the sufferings of the world.
    However, believe me when I tell you not everyone who has 'chosen' this life wants, help. It is how they want to live. Personally, I have in the past tried to help many homeless people; I've come in contact with. My family will attest, I've brought a lot of people into my own home, especially if I couldn't afford to give them money.
    Once, I gave the heavy jacket I wore to keep away the winter cold to a homeless person. I figured I'm in the cold a whole hour at most a day. They needed the coat more than I cause they would be exposed to the cold all day and night.

    Some grammatical errors,[There are some in my comment-LOL -- it's bad when you think faster than you write] nothing that hurts the read. I'm assuming some of the caps are place to emphasis the word or the line.

    My favorite stanza is:
    "Where is the justice in a world,

    Where we don't take care of our own.

    When we climb the golden ladder,

    and the weak are left alone."

    There are many people who do this, although I would think it is more of 'busy'-ness than not caring for the ones we leave behind.

    Finally I love the suttle rhyme.... YULP... It is so nicely added one can hardly notice it. [To be honest, I caught it on the 2nd read through not the first] It almost gives an inner rhyme to the stanza instead of the lines. At least that is how I feel about it, maybe cause how you've worded it.

    I rather enjoy the read, [per your requestion in Suggestions:] only improvement could I offer is might want to work on the meter of the overal read to smooth it out a tad, however please understand Personally, I like it just as it is.

    Thanks so much for entering the round contest, I wish you the best of luck!



  • sassylilpoet silver member
    June 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful, intense and so true...
    yet, remember there is nothing that goes up that doesn't come down, even the golden ladders will someday crumble and crash to the ground, for there is none, even the self-rightous hypocrites, who are of any more worth than these lost souls in the picture.

    A beautiful cry for humanity!
    Blessings,
    Sassy


  • crazymomma
    June 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Having been poor my whole life this verse really spoke to me
    "Where is the justice in a world,

    Where we don't take care of our own.

    When we climb the golden ladder,

    and the weak are left alone."

    This was great. The rhyme was wonderful and not forced. Lovely!





  • Re-invention silver member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is breathtaking and heartfelt hun, what you laid here should be published worlwide in every newspaper in every tv channel.. everywhere! judging is something we must learn to never do... no matter the circumstances... great write!


  • Malabu
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very deep this touches me...and it sings with guilt of humanity...I love the wisdom and the cry of urgency to take another look at ourselves...caring and sharing...lifting hearts is what this world needs...not self containments nor indicern for our fellow humans...love the poem...

    suggestion...Please make the font darker sweetie...im old
    also makes people want to read instead of squint


  • princehusayn
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oh yes Powerful conviction

    THERE ARE THOSE OF US WHO SLEEP WALK through the misery and we wade in a sea of despair because we have become numb. This write gets to the nitty gritty of the matter like a mirror it leaves no line or gray hair out it is what it is. We all stand convicted victim and perp because one could not exist without the other. This write has the potential to open the eyes of many. Truthfully I thought there were no awkward areas I found the expressions here full clear and on time. Peace and love...


  • ourgirlFriday
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is very, very moving!

    I hope you win, because I almost cried reading this. It's so true and so convincing and emotional. You might want to darken the font though: I had a little trouble reading it.


  • beisekergirl
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very powerful, very convicting, so full of emotion, I love the ryhme scheme you have used here, great imagry and description, it flows elequently, bravo my dear!

  • hipstorian
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    I like this piece. shows where your heart is on social issues, very nice


  • Devient
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good, but this contest is for personal pain, so I'm sorry to say I will have to DQ this. It really is a good read though, and good luck in the future.

  • Ace - LightWithinMe
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello Pisces Rainbow. A moving compassionate write. I have to say I do like the way you have pointed the finger without pointing it; by having yourself included as part of the 'we'. Excellent write.

    My regards.

  • goalsv
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very deep piece. A real sad topic that we do not help those that want it, and we judge them by there look and circumstance. Forgetting they are just like us. Wonderful job.


  • Olivias Violin
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good!


  • Moonlightdragon gold member
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    from the heart

    Your words touch me and I thought a few of how we could make difference.

    Open your
    Eyes to see
    Heart to feel
    Mind to wisdom
    Soul to compassion

    warm light and love
    Robert



  • Poetry-and-rhyme
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    auntie u make me cry with this write :S:S ouch those poor people :S ur pic made my heart bust open when i read you watered my eyes:S sad sad touching awful write
    :S your an angel auntie

  • Poetry-and-rhyme
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    auntie u make me cry with this write :S:S ouch those poor people :S ur pic made my heart bust open when i read you watered my eyes:S sad sad touching awful write
    :S your an angel auntie


  • echo-ink
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    OMG ! Wonderful write.

    lOVED THIS ONE, MY BESTEST FRIEND. LOVED IT, SO, SO SAD THAT IT'S TRUE???

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