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Papyrophobia

Topographic sand-storms
mixed with caramelized rivers,
tinctured by apex tackings;
plastic wrapped around metal.

Postings from Sunday's Daily
were secured in slap-fashion.
St. Marie among Iroquois,
tossed against cartoon boxes.

Appointments for dentistry
hung from pre-glued necking.
Faded poly scabbards
sheathed family picnic pictures.

Not as advanced as desktop ringers,
or refreshing as water-cooler,
yet this regenerative tool kept my focus

in psychologists' self-help office.




Author notes

Theme: a patient's neurotic observations of a cork-board


POJUDGES


side notes...Papyrophobia...the fear of paper...

 

 "St. Marie among the Iroquois", a museum in Syracuse, NY

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Arkbear gold member
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hey Ryan.......personally, I think this should have been higher in score....but it was weird the way it came out ~

     

    I think this piece is really good......maybe it was lack of Power.....maybe ~

     

    See ya son!

     

    Bear ~

  • Arkbear gold member
    June 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Yo Dude ~

    Would you care to add a few more *as*'s in your last stanza?

     

    .....hehe ~

     

     

    I did not feel as though you started off as Powerful as you think you did....however, by the time I had finished reading this....the first, second and third time....and many other times for critiquing, I found a superb piece of Art sculpted from your ingenius vocabulary skills and Imagination ~

     

    Lots to ponder here Ryan...LOVED IT!

     

    Your Imagery is fresh and real.....your Tone is complicated, yet simple to those who understand ~

     

    I have never seen this Theme before....and I wajor to say, I'll never see it again.....standing ovation in southern CA!

     

    Not much to critique here my friend.....you blasted through this contest with your most mighty of quills.....nice job!

     

    Good luck and God bless you!

     

    Bear ~

     

     

     


    Title  Title is too predictable.....leave me some room to guess about your writes details -
    Flow  Flawless in detail to Tone and Flow -
    Depth  Not happy about you using only 16 of your 20 lines available -
    Theme  Excellent -
    Feelings Touch & go, as you kept directing me back and forth to areas of mental notions -
    Grammar  Wisely chosen grammatical choices -
    Presentation  Basically perfect -
    Uncommonness  This is what I mean by Original -
    Sit & Ponder Affect  Had to sit and stare at this write....smiling.....Hats off to this write -
    Ability to follow Rules  Perfect -

     

    Bears Score:  Over-all, a tremendous amount of respect to you and your talents -

     

    Good luck!

     


  • sailor ptolema
    June 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    bravo!

    oh...this is really cool. I definitely see the the patients obsessive focus of this cork board..!! really well done! a strong contender in the contest I'm sure!


  • j-ay rose
    June 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ^__________^ i love the way you write.


  • jamiedoring
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey will somebody tell that triste elle this is a real contest! LMAO

    Great job as usual. ALWAYS 100% unique...and you really seem to have this writing thing figured out. Superb.

    Good luck in the contest.

    Jamie


  • PatheticKt
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is an amazing write for just about a person who has papyrophobia
    I don't know why but I like this line very much:
    "Faded poly scabbards sheathed family picnic pictures"
    A sure win this piece will get ^^
    Good luck in the contest!


  • righteousme
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    loved it all... and the explanations in the AN... yr writing intrigues me and inspires me... i want to collaborate something sometime... if yr game of course.. if i am being pushy ... tell me to back off... i will understand...


  • Kathryn Bowden
    June 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    what fun!

  • aaaaaaaa
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really good. It definitely would've been high in the rankings in the real contest. The imagery is fantastic! The first stanza is just, wow, awesome.

    Just some quick critiques for you. Last S, second L, an 's' after water-coolers or an 'a' before maybe. And I'm not sure if you meant to misspell psychologist or not, but it's distracting either way.

    Again great write.


  • trista gold member
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Ryan,

    Iwas going to warn you first off to make sure you get "PO Judges" in your AN, but I see islekine beat me to it. Outside of that, fantastic job! The imagery is wonderful; I think it'd earn at least a 9.85 on my scoreboard.

    Your last line cracks me up...a "self-help" psyc office...??? What a brilliant idea! One even I could afford!

    Good luck in the contest; I think you've done a great job.


    ~J.


  • islekine gold member
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful job!

    You forgot to put POJUDGES in your AN...only slight deduction.....no filler words.....good job....
    Thanks for the lesson...I learned a lot... "St. Marie among the Iroquois", and Papyrophobia...
    is that what I have??????? Is that why I have been burning everything paper the last few days???????
    Best wishes in the contest.....a winner...for sure..LOL
    Take care!
    ttys
    Write on......
    *PEACE*


  • NeonRose
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Gee, Ryan...you went all serious on us, huh? ** I've only judged two PO's, and I'm developing this syndrome, for sure!! In fact..I went out and bought paper for my printer in lovely neon shades!

    Great job with this write..Good luck in the contest!


  • aboomer silver member
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This 'patient' was visiting a psych after judging a PO contest??..LOL
    Really well done. Great wording and very interesting. I think it could be edited nicely to include the patients fear of more PO contests, or fear of including rules or something....LOL....but that's just my feeling/mood.
    ok....I'll behave...
    Very nicely done. Great job on the rules. Neat presentation. Great wording!!! We are about 1-1/2 hrs. down from Syracuse (I think) so I have heard of that museum. This is a great topic - not one I've seen before.
    Really nice job Ryan. Makes me have a 'slight' thought about editing mine to 'serious'...only slight, though...
    Excellent entry.
    best wishes in the contest.

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