lifes arbiters seek to adorn themselves in rushes of sensation
dealing in man-made dreams.
oblivion awaits them,
perverse and tired;
reeking of the fads of excess
bitterly weighted upon the shoulders of the carless.
emptyiness is smiling at lost souls
as time stretches on in a ceasless rythym;
and junkies collect there weight in gold
unfinished
Comments
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I got your message dear so thought I would just peruse your page. Since this one alludes to the fact that it is unfinished I won't comment much on it, but will say this much, prior to you finishing it, take it through spell check as it has many spelling errors in it. I do like this piece however, one other thing I would suggest is that when you decide to finish this you need to make a choice... either use punctuation or don't use it, but don't do both, it doesn't work. By doing both, you give off the impression that you don't know how to properly use punctuation. When using free verse if you are unsure of the punctuation is best to just leave it out all together ( or ask for assistance from someone you trust to help you edit it properly ). My personal opinion with this piece ( and it is my own person opinion mind you) is that it is much stronger without the distraction of punctuation. ( yes I did say distraction... sometimes punctuation becomes a distraction rather than an aid in poetry unlike short stories or novels where they are extremely valuable tools) I often times write my poetry both ways, ( sometimes three or four ways - with caps and punctuations, without caps but punctuation, then without caps and without punctuation...ect) until I get the look that fits the piece and brings out the proper depth I was looking for. The object is to get the reader to focus only on your words, sometimes caps and punctuation is required to accomplish that, other times they get in the way. It is your job to figure out which time is which. ( not an easy task, but a do able one).
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