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Howzit Den?

Ho, brah, howzit?
You like come play?
Pidgen  poems,
da kine
I like write
today…

Neva mine da
spell check
just cuz, cuz,
da bugga no work
on pidgen
neva will neva does.

I stay going write now,
da kine  potry, 
I wen write like dis
fo’ you can try
fo’ see…

Pidgen is
one language,
you  hea, hea,
everyday…
choke kine people,
fo' real talk dis
way….

Brudda Cuz
pens, da kine
you like fo‘
try?.
If no can
today….
maybe can
bombai…..

Author notes

POP.....Poem of Pidgen....
Theme: Da Kine

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • Luvzit!


  • Arkbear gold member
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi :)

    How many spaces do we have after....*Pidgen....3rd L ?

    How many spaces after *da kine*.....3rd S....2nd L ?

     Da Kine Dictionary

    PIDGIN WORDS WANTED for Da Kine Dictionary. Tok Pidgin?! Good. Den go help us celebrate and perpetuate da Pidgin culture. Go write down one Pidgin word. ...
    www.dakinedictionary.com/ - 6k - Cached - Similar pages

    Da kine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    "Da kine" is a word in Hawaiian Pidgin, derived from "the kind", that usually functions grammatically as a placeholder name (compare to English "whatsit" ...
    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Da_kine - 21k - Cached - Similar pages

     

    Am I missing something?

     

    You have it spelled Pidgen, yet the Dictionary and Encyclopedia both spell it....PIDGIN ~

     

    No deductions, as I am not sure.....and you are the one who lives where this is Native tongue.....so I'll let it go :)

     

    OK....after ummm.....20 reads!!!!!......I finally caught on to the dialect!

     

    ...Hehe ~

     

    This is brilliant Julie....nice job ~

     

    However, I don't want to have to read something 20 times before I catch the Flow and meter to be able to enjoy something.....but since this is between us, I can say.....nicely penned ~

     

    Lots of Creativity involved with this write....lots of Focus on your Theme and a tremendous amount of respect for the Tone placed throughout your grammatical choices.....if you can call dem dare words...uh huh ~

    The Lasting impression is what will score very well here.....Power is subtle, yet your dialect is strong and makes a great Impact ~

    Pidgen ( is )....oops!

    Not much else to critique here.........nonetheless.....keep your fingers crossed for bigger scores in some of the other areas I look at when judging :)

    Good luck and God bless you!

    Bear ~

    Title   Already mentioned....yet it's a great Title to make me stop and want to read this write -

    Flow   Difficult at first....and secound, etc....but after a while, my brain adjusted -

    Depth   Not too much told.....only a small amount about the language....but I wanted to know more -

    Theme   Perfect -

    Feelings   Expressions are noted, but feelings fall short -

    Grammar   Love the effort with this unusual write -

    Presentation  Each stanza is formatted perfectly to fit your Tone -

    Uncommonness  I learned something new today :)

    Sit & Ponder Affect  Quite the creative side of you coming out -

    Ability to follow Rules  ( 1 ) filler word -

    Bears Score:  Over-all....Expressionable piece of Art which could be hung in a Gallery some place for Literature majors.....nice job! -

    Good luck!


    • islekine gold member
      June 21, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      I'll send you a copy of pidgen to da max...

      lol...I'm sure it's like ebonics sp? even different islands here have different dialects..lol...this is the ONLY contest where I could write this...and be half way understood! thanks for the opportunity!! brah is either male or female....but sistah and tita (tit-uh) are common for females too..lol...tita is usually a less fem. female..lol...more esoterica


  • jamiedoring
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You said it best with "Da bugga rhyme too" lol

    oh man, Good stuff Islekine...you go and try fo yo win. Clever and totally unique. Simply fantastic! Good luck in the contest!

    • islekine gold member
      June 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Mahalo Jamie...

      I have wanted to write one of these for awhile...just cuz, cuz...Thanks for commenting! Best wishes to you also...
      you went all serious on us!! Well done...
      hehe
      Write on!


  • PatheticKt
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lol, I don't know what Pidgen is and I only understood most of the words
    The way you wrote a piece without breaking the rules in this way was quite unexpected
    Tsk tsk, imagine if one of the rules was to use spellcheck
    Haha, good luck in the contest!

    • islekine gold member
      June 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      tanks eh?

      lol...pidgen is the language you hear most often in Hawai'i when you live here...and there really is a Bruddah Cuz
      who writes a column in a local paper every week with a poem done in pidgen.......all pidgen....I'm afraid you have to live here to get one of those!!! And sometimes not even then! lol...
      Thanks for commenting...
      Write on!


  • Kathryn Bowden
    June 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this! My best friend in the world is Hawaiian. I'm afraid without having lived with her I would never have understood it completely! As it is, it was a wonderful glimspe back into the world I still miss. Nice write! take care and God bless
    Kathryn


    • islekine gold member
      June 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Ho cuz....

      tanks eh? I wen write em fo dos folks wen hea pidgen befo...
      Mahalo!
      Malama Pono!
      Hana hou!
      *PEACE*

  • aaaaaaaa
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You misspelled a word. 'Brah' needs another 'h' for extra "cool emphasis" brahh

    Besides that I'd say this stands a chance at being in the top 6 hehe good work.


    • islekine gold member
      June 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Well, I beg to differ...I live hea....

      and it is bra...short and to da point...lol...
      thanks for comments!
      Write on!
      *PEACE*


  • NeonRose
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Uh...wazzat? Excellent use of language..great rhythm and flow...I might suggest a comma or two, if I had any idea where to put them!! I'm afaid you neglected to put POP (Poem Of Pidgen) in your AN, and also..your theme is not listed..although, of course, we can deduce from your lucid lines just what it is about. Small deduction in points, hon..for NOT OBEYING THE RULES!!!


  • aboomer silver member
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOL - GRATE JOB!! No mis-speled wurds that I kin sea. Ez flo, punks look gudd, nice job on Pidgen roules! This is a winnner!
    best wishes in the conntesst!!


    • islekine gold member
      June 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      I wen write 'em da kine....

      no mis-spelled words....
      Tanks...eh?


  • RyanosaurusWrecks
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so intelligently written!!
    a lot of imagination produces such great results!!
    A fine masterpiece, one to be proud of...


    • islekine gold member
      June 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      ho cuz....mahalos......

      I wen try fo win.....
      *PEACE*


  • islekine gold member
    June 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I edited it a bit...can you tell??? lol

    "choke" means a lot...lol...
    I simplified it!
    What better chance to try fo use em??
    Take care...
    *PEACE*


  • trista gold member
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LMAO Well...no risk of finding "filler" words in this! Yep, I can see right now I was right and you could easily start a new trend in the "usual" rules listed on a contest page...along with no sticky caps, hard to read fonts/backgrounds etc. there'll be one stating no Pidgen.

    This IS a little hard to follow, but I think I've got most of it figured out...not positive on "fo'" and "choke kine"?

    I love how you've never been afraid to try something out of the ordinary, this being a perfect example. I hope Bear and the rest of the gang appreciate it as much as I have. Between you and boomer, I am definitely leaving AP for the night with a smile on my face!

    Good luck, and TY for another fun read.
    s
    ~Julie
    Ahem...(finishing clearing throat...) Oh, I have no suggestions for improvement for you at this time.

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