the couch is feeling lazy
he lies around all day
watching television
putting on a show
the refrigerator is fat
and looking very pale
as he stands in a corner
thinking he's so cool
the ipod is a loudmouth
who never wants to shut up
as he screams and moans
about not being loved
a new oven rules the kitchen
and she looks superior
always in demand
and knowing she's so hot
this computer is a nerd
a real know-it-all
giving out information
about everything we don't know
the vacuum cleaner
is obsessive compulsive
as she sucks and sniffs
the carpets till they're clean
a full-length mirror
in the large bedroom
thinks she's beautiful
but is oh so vain
an old kitchen table
keeps everything together
as it gives out advice
and solves every problem
the furniture here
have their own personalities
but they all get together
to make this house a home
A contest entry
- Make me laugh! by icyrose.
900 points, ended June 4, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
is this funny, or just too weird?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Nit-picks:
I found the use of too many "the's" in places to sort of take away from the experience, but I also understand that sometimes the connections are needed and that seems like the only thing that could work.
End of critiques.
That ending is quite good and I think it puts the rest of the piece into perspective and adds a rather mysterious and subtle quality to an otherwise completely understood poem. I really dig also that you have used so many clear and clean images to describe the every day moments. Even if it is from a very original and different eyesight.
Think you've nailed the voice of the piece directly on the head and yes, for the most part, this is finely tuned.
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nit-picks
i love nit-picks. thank you very much. i revised the poem and got rid of a few definite articles.
enjoyed reading your comments and your perceptions of this weird little poem. -
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Oh yes you did clean this up a little bit didn't you.
I'm glad you appreciate my honesty as I really enjoy your work. Would you happen to have a way I could purchase any of your books or get my hands on any of those anthologies you are in? I am terrible when searching the internet and I figure it might be easier to simply ask you.
I loved it first and now would dare say it is nearly perfect. Though nothing is of course but this is close.
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Wow, i had not really thought about it like that, but this is incredibly true...after all we apply certain emotions to objects in our lives. Insightful piece, and definitely a delightful read!
Great job
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Well Written !
I really love all of the imagination that went into this poem that you have written. It is much different than I have ever read, but that is what make's it so different than all of the other's. Your originality is what kept me so ever reading on to see what was going to be said next ! And the ending put's it all togeather.The furniture here all have their own personalities just as we all have our own !Good Luck In The Contest.... Brenda Gae
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What a way to write about the things in our house - give them each personalities, great metaphors. Easy to read and understand the way you have written this. Good flow and very entertaining poem. GIves one a chuckle or two.
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I really loved that comparison between furniture in the house as a real person and how it can be directly correlated to a real situation that could occur with a person. So interesting and dealt with well. An unusual poem that surprisingly works really, really well.
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That is soooo cool! What a creative idea, and a lovely composition, nice rhythm.
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Superb
I love the subtle humor in this one, and if my furniture starts taking on these characteristics, then I'll move elsewhere. (LOL) Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine.
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I don't think this is weird at all!
It is a great use of personification
Well done.
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I like this~
Your use of furniture to describe the people in the house is interesting, you've come up with a creative way & it works very well.
"the furniture here
all have their own personalities
but they get on well together
and they make this house a home"
Very well said.
Tim
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WOW!!
This is really a good piece of write!
thinking abt it... uve taken the common personalities around a home and transfered them to material possessions ... Its beautiful!!!!!!!
i loved it all but these lines esp. caught my eyes:
""the oven rules the kitchen
and she looks superior
always in demand
and knowing she's so hot""
WAY TO GO !!!!
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I do understand this but at the same time, I'm left wondering, "Where is the personification?" Keep penning and good luck in the contest
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I really love how you did this. I'm not sure it's really funny, but it really puts a thought in your head. I like how you really put personalities into these pieces of furniture - and these personalities really make sense!
I really love what you have done here... Each in so few lines... I love it
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sense
thanks heaps Perception! glad this poem made you think of those things.
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