Depressing sweat of blazing blue --
exhaustion has me losing grip.
A dinner plate so clean and white
contrasts my somber, darkened drip.
The smell of past has lost its draw --
an old soufflé of guilt and lies.
I see the dish that bears my slump,
but I can't taste it with my eyes.
Weeping snacks and scraps of foul
make voices silent with their glare.
This meal would be less tough to eat
without the servings of despair.
What does this poem mean to you?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
Great write!! The rhythm and meter worked great, and the rhyming was smooth!! (Reading the comments I see there was a prompt, but can't find what the prompt was?)
I really liked the thought in the last stanza, which made the rest of the poem come to light. Definitely a pretty deep idea, and one that rings true. My first thoughts were regarding rebuke, which is much easier to accept if the guilt is not involved, but the idea is true in many areas.
-
this is an intresting and onderful take I am really enjoying how each poet has taken it differently to make it personal to no one but themself.well done
-
This was... interesting. The food analogies were odd, albeit good. I think this piece could be improved upon but overall was well done!
-
-
If you're going to make a comment like that, please tell me how.
-
-
Not really my style, but for what it is, this is excellent. Especially given the weird prompt. Your mechanical skill is strong and you are a rare poet who understands scansion and meter. Clever word choices and the fact that you didn't entirely rewrite the rules of syntax to achieve your rhymes also contribute in making this much better than the average depressing-ABCB-rhyme-scheme-Allpoetry-write. That you can evoke both depression and more strongly humor in one write is impressive. Nice work.
-
Another great one.
-
This is a really great piece. It is so nice to find another poet who can master rhyming. I love rhyming poetry, but most of what I read here gives me a headache. Good luck.
Much Love
Carrie -
Justin man you crack me up how can you put so many different things in one poem and it work
like despair, food... speaking of that why do you always write on food... anyway GREAT like always love the last two lines -
-
Haha... yeah there was a lot in this poem... but you should have seen the prompt! I got a bit overwhelmed. heh.
Food is good. :-P
-
-
great flow. Coupled with the word choice this makes a strong poem. Kudos for using souffle effectively. I have absolutely know idea what this is about. Some sort of metaphor I'm sure. Have a couple clappies
-
Great job on this! It flowed very well, and the imagery was perfect for the subject. I thought the line "but I can't taste it with my eyes" was especially interesting, because it made me stop and think for a moment (in a good way). Nice work.
-
The last line is a perfect culmination of all the other things you said about souffles of guilt and lies and the empty dinner plate. It was just a series of really, really great images, but that last line really says it all.
-
woah. this is good. this is awesome. I loved it.
I have felt this way before, definitely. beautiful descriptions, great flow, sharp imagery. && your style is just amazing.
loved it.
-
I'd love to say that I cannot relate but unfortunately, I relate all to well...
This is pained and honest. A tragedy of every day proportions. Lovingly finessed into a great poem!
Good luck in the contest!
-
Despair. A hard grip on reality. This is very sad. And slightly damaging. The first two lines are beautifully worded. I get the impression of a person sitting at the dinner table, Staring at their food, But unable to do more. Its terrible saddening...
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
