To Be, Or Not To Be, Bush?

LaPoe
Contest Essay: Hate President Bush?
What Would You Have Done Differently?

June  3, 2008

To be, or not to be, Bush?

    Shakespeare said it best, and President Bush says it worst. To do a 'Freaky Friday' and switch places with 'the ignoramus' is tempting, I don't know if I could do better, but no worse I'm sure.

    So here it goes… WWLD (what would Lapoe do?) well first I'd travel to the Land of Oz and get the Great and Powerful Oz to grant me a brain, one that wasn't beer soaked and coke addled (allegedly) and full of holes like Swiss cheese, then with fully functioning brain in tow I'd tackle America's most pressing issues.

    Like: Low Flow Toilets! You can't possibly think flushing 4 times per doodie saves water & money
    Like: Super Sized Everything! Including the people and their fat kids! Put the money back where it belongs, into the schools, reinstate Physical Education, stop bloating the Cola companies profits with vending machines in school lunch rooms (what? milks not good enough?) 
    Like: Tech support from people who know English not as a first language, but as a second or third! How can I follow directions when it sounds like one of us is explaining in Pig Latin? Bring back the American Geeks!!! We still may not know what they're talking about but at least we'll understand what we don't understand.  Understand?

    Ok, so you're saying… how are these Bush issues? Well they're not so lets tackle those.

    Iraq anyone? Did I hear you say less bombs and more diplomacy? Less fighting and more friendly relations? How can you understand the complexities of another culture when you are too busy screwing up your own? I know this goes against the Bush clans grain, but how about REALLY funding alternative fuels: siphoning money out of corrupt pockets (George's family and friends) and into research and development to wean us off the Arab tit of oil. Its time to stop wet nursing on countries that hate us (rightly or wrongly) and step out of diapers and into big boy pants. Grow up America, time to start on solid foods.

    How about that economy? Hell's calling and Satan says GOOD JOB! Oh Bush, why did you put a gun to our heads and play Russian Roulette? Was it a good idea to give companies the right to not pay overtime wages, cutting salaries by thirds or more,  then waging war on countries that have us by the oily balls? Throwing us into a recession, sliding us into a possible depression. No.. not a good idea if you want your country to prosper and your people to succeed. How about giving America back to Americans by refusing sub-par products made in foreign countries using slave labor? We have more than enough of our own poor and huddled masses to fill jobs, so you have to pay them more! Sell a mansion or five will ya! And rehire Americans!

    Hug a tree Mr. Bush, you might find they're important. Why do everything in your power to insure the ill health of this nation?  Bad ecological practices, global warming, air too acidic to breath? Any of this sound familiar? Turning a profit is the American dream, but what about the nightmare from NO Accountability? Once again I'd siphon stolen money out of your family and friends pockets and try (probably fail) to enforce much stricter laws on dumping of hazardous waste. Recycling should be a national past-time just like football and baseball! Touchdowns and homeruns for recycled plastic bottles and pop cans, newspapers and cardboard!!! GO TEAM! Lets clean up America and WIN THE GAME! Why not put a freeze on Senators and Congress members salaries and huge pensions and take those mega millions and fund a door-to-door recycle pickup? We may be lazy Americans but not so damn lazy we cant cart and carry to the curb! Or are we?

    Oh, and that Bin Laden thing... well I'd just get in my way-back machine and not
do dirty double dealings with him in the first place! Then no Bin Laden trained by U.S.A. and maybe no Bin Laden still on the loose and still working hard to bomb us again. Of course what's done is done, so as of now? I'd breed and train Bin Laden sniffing suicide bomb dogs to sniff him out and snuggle up close and blow the bastard to smitherines. Yep. You know even he couldn't turn away a cuddly pooch on a secret mission. Good dog.. good dog, your death wont be in vain.. in Pooch Heaven seven virgin bitches will be waiting for you.

    How about a little down home White House cleaning, I'd dust out your corrupt cabinet members, sweep them right out with the rest of the trash, vacuum up all your BAD policies then mop that smirk right off your face and start over with a clean and respectable home, one that Americans would be proud to live in.

In conclusion: No I don't have the answers, the questions are much too complicated for this unworldly girl but what is painfully obvious is the wrong direction we've taken and it didn't start with Bush, junior or senior, go back one more friends and you'll find the culprit who not only started this all, but brought the Bush clan into our midst. Thank you President Ragan, thanks a lot! You're all the same peas in an awfully corrupt pod.