Life is too Short...

"He has every reason to throw up his fists in the face of his God who let his mother die" Flyleaf - Supernatural

Three years passed and I
still hear the sound of her
gasps for air echoing...
bouncing off the walls of my
angry soul...reverberations
of the last breath exhaled
from the lungs of my mother.
I'm beyond bewilderment...
the stage where I
refused to believe she was gone...
the days when I would
shed rivers of tears because...
she was simply supposed to live...forever.
But forever is a fallacy...
don't believe the hype...nothing lasts
into eternity...if you fall for
that lie...you'll be the fool like me.
No...bewilderment and denial
are in the past...now...I am
simply angry.  I wonder...
what would Mama say if she knew
I can't even pray anymore?
I'm too mad at God...why would He
choose to take her from me?
He's all powerful...the ability to
create...recreate...and devestate.
Why the fuck did He choose
devastation?  He's GOD...He is
SO much bigger than some
fucking Cancer cells....ravaging the
woman I knew as Mommy...taking her
sweet smile away...zapping the
sparkle in her loving eyes to a
blank stare where you know she's
questioning who this is looking
back at her...and I just want to
scream to the Heavens and
beg the Father to make me understand
why He chose not to fight this ...
and He...
let her die.
He let her die...
He LET her DIE!!!!!!
Why?

And as I
contemplate praying...
only to ask God to
allow my children to die before me...
so that they will not have to know
a pain so deep as mourning the death of me...

I realize...
life is simply too short...
I could die tonight.
We are all born with
only one sure thing in this life...
just one guarantee...

we're going to die.

And I don't care how many
psychic readings you pay for...
No one knows when death will come.

So why waste even one second...
being angry?
There's places to go and
people to see...adventures to
experience...and
battles to be fought...
victories to celebrate and
lessons to learn...

and I
drop to my knees...
and begin to pray...

"God...I'm...
really mad at you.
Help me let this go..."