In death's garden there abides
On all the flowering trees
Hosts of horrid butterflies
Whose wings with red do bleed
Congealed, the nectar that they sip
Endless, their ghoulish greed
Bloated by the ceaseless feast
As on the recent dead they feed
Author notes
This was one that I wrote while travelling on a train. As you may guess, the journey was not going too smoothly.
In a list
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Ohhh. I love this!!! A lot. This would have to be one of the best poems I've read today. It's well written, descriptive, short and sweet. It brings images of the Garden of Eden in an evil realm, draped with death and decay.
Lovely poem and I really hope that next time you travel on a train it's smoother. It's horrible when you're on those old creaky trains which make you feel every bump in the track and every twist and turn.
"Congealed, the nectar that they sip
Endless, their ghoulish greed
Bloated by the ceaseless feast" lovely!
Claire-Anne -
Gruesome!! Very vivid and disgusting. I love it!
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This is wonderfully written. I especially love "Hosts of horrid butterflies", the cantrast of horrid and butterflies brings a truly unique image to mind and set sthe dismal feel of the poem very well. Great job!
s and best wishes... ~Genie~
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YUCK
This is absolutely fantastic. I loved the line "whose wings with red do bleed"!! I was still surprised at the end, the last line. I felt a truly eerie sickness at the end of this... and then had to go back & re-read it a few more times. This is beautifully dark art here!!! The flow & rhyme are great. I love a deeply dark rhyming poem! Rhyme & meter can add a “cuteness” to poetry, to keep the poem this dark is an artful twist. Well done!!!
If I could reward with 6 applause I would!!!
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Thank you very much
if you like darker writes, then try 'Masie may' or 'Playground'..
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Dark with great use of contrasting colors and flowing thoughts, I am not sure on how you would come to this beauty upon a train but to each their own and to you all props go as this was beautiful
Later
Romeo -
I like this a lot. Great imagery here. I have often wondered about butterflies. A lot of people picture them in a lot of romantic/type scenarious and such like, I have done so myself. when writing a dedication piece or what not.
But, like everything in life, there is a 'dark' side. What you have written here is something that I myself have thought about, involving butterflies. How maybe they are not so 'light' after all.
You have captured the dark imagery of these creatures brilliantly-well, with a coldness to boot too. Catching the atmosphere just right. Fantastic work my friend.
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
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oh spooky this is Dreamana ... you write so creatively. You use such visual images. prettypoetry
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This is great. It flows well, and has a good rhyming scheme. I've never ridden on a train before, and to me that extra bit in your authors notes makes this even better.
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this is really cool. i enjoy poems that arent striaght out, the ones that make you think and re read it over and over again.
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Thank you. I always appreciate it when people take the time to give me feedback. Although short, personally I quite like this one... sorry that the butterflys are an image that you hold so dear, they just popped into my head while travelling.
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SO DARK AND GRUESOME
Hello my friend,
Well what can one say about this write? Mmmm let me think!!!!
First off, you have written this so well, that the reader can picture the gruesome scene that you have painted into your write.So full of gory visuals,and the words themselves, are strongly penned.This would have to be the best dark poem that I have read in a long time.The only downer in my eyes only with this great write is.....the horrid butterflies.I understand that they are the main focus of your write, but to me, they symbolise something very special to me,and that is...my deceased mother.But other than that my dear friend, your poem is wonderfully written.
Take care and many beautiful blessings to you and yours.
Your friend in poetry,
~Angel-Anne~
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This is quite gruesome, but very good at that. The imagery is fantastic.
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